Off to Singapore until the 2nd. Will miss Zubin Mehta, but it seems in bad taste to complain, so I won't. :) Looking forward to everything except the shopping (unless its for electronics that is :)) Will try and post updates-depending on availablility ot time, internet and ofcourse mood.
p.s. They've started blaring MGR songs outside my house- even more thrilled to be leaving now.

In Which Mysterious Creature of the Night Reveals Itself

I've been feeling its presence for the past few days. There have been signs. There have been portents, warnings. Noises heard, a brushing past face felt*, a glimpse caught in the dark, and the sinister one's identity speculated over, daytime searches met with frustration. But now I know, all has been revealed to me- I am enlightened.

It's a rat. And not the squirrel that had visited my room a few days ago. No idea where it came from, my house is a cockroach, mosquito and rat- free zone! How to get it out now? I do not wish to share my room with a rodent. Neither do I wish to be bitten, and as a result acquire all manner of deadly diseases like plague, typhus etc., etc.

And here's where I drop all pretense of composure- I'm freaking out, HAAAAAAALP!!

*EWWWW! But certainly better than waking up to find a stray cat on your stomach, like my friend D did once, during our hostel days. I'm sure you agree.

Goodness Gracious Me!

Goodness Gracious Me! Was that really Sushma Swaraj protesting against *hold your breath* moral policing in Parliament today? Really, truly? The very same Sushma Swaraj who bowdlerized FTV? Who wanted a music video banned because the girl in it dared to show a bit of thong? Oh wait, she's the opposition now. Right. Now that makes sense. And with such passion she condemned Operation Majnu. "Kya woh bhai-behen nahin ho sakte?" she thundered. Priceless.

Totally unrelated, but BCCI Media Committee Chairman Rajiv Shukla said this when asked what Ganguly and Pawar talked about-
"They did not discuss any selection matter. Selection is left to the selectors. They talked about general health of Indian cricket." Ofcourse. Ganguly flew down to Delhi for the express purpose of discussing with Pawar the 'general health of Indian cricket'.
Even more priceless.

Encarta and MSN

Do this:
To your MSN messenger, add Encarta as a contact- encarta@conversagent.com.
Double click Encarta and ask:
What's the air velocity of an unladen swallow?

Or just about anything you please.

Travel & Living Channel

I had more or less finished writing this post when the current went, and it was irretrievably lost. Grrr. Isn't blogger supposed to save my posts as they're being typed? Anyway, have finally found the patience to re-type the whole thing.

My favourite channel these days is Travel and Living. When all else fails, you can always expect T&L to keep you occupied (except when American Chopper is playing, of course). Whether it's being mildly entertained by man/woman/house being made-over, or feeling jealousy/vicarious pleasure, as some insanely lucky person visits exotic places and eats delicious food.

And so, the other day, I let T&L regale me for three hours. AND keep me informed with little known, but hugely fascinating factiods about some European nations. First off was my second-most favourite-TV host, Ian Wright visiting Vienna. Lots of fun- he meets this 'vegetable band'-they make music using vegetables only! Fruits are completely taboo. On display were the carrot whistle, leek violin, and other such curiosities. The music actually sounds good! And visits a building which was designed by someone who considered the straight line 'evil'! Quite a cool looking building I thought.

And then to my (current) favourite program 'Meet the neighbours', with my most favourite TV host, Jeremy Clarkson. Clarkson is his usual self( viewers of Top Gear on BBC should be familiar with) - oozing sarcasm from every pore, irreverent and very, very funny as he travels 20,000 miles through Europe in his Eagle E-type. Clarkson, needless to say, absolutely revels in poking fun at 'Johnny Foreigner'. If you haven't seen the show already, I highly recommend that you do. Only five episodes, and already two over. Thursdays 9 pm, you know what to do!

I watched the episode where Clarkson travels to Belgium and Holland. Belgium, apparently is considered my many Europeans, including Belgians to be the dullest country in all Europe. In fact, according to one survey, 60% of Belgians wish they'd been born somewhere else! To find out if Belgium is indeed as dull as purported to be, Clarkson does a round-up of some of the national 'sports' of Belgium.
1. Pipe smoking contest- Men and women come together in a room, and see who can keep 3 grams of tobacco alight in their pipes the longest. The record is about three hours, and apparently the biggest challenge is to keep sweat from falling into the pipe and putting it out. The winner gets nothing- he or she is there merely for the sheer joy of smoking with fellow pipe-smokers.
2. On saturday afternoons, Belgians gather round a field that's been divided into grids. A cow is led into the field, and bets are placed on where exactlu the cow will, uh produce manure (I shit you not!). The wait for the cow to do this could be quite long, hours in some cases. But today, the cow obliges us in the 49th minute itself. The winner of the Where Will the Cow Poop? betting game walked away with 5000 Belgian Francs!
3.Belgians line up by the side of a road, along with their birds. The object of this exercise is to count the number of times each one's bird sings in one hour. Each contestant is provided with a stick and a chalk for marking. Repeated twice everyday.
Hmmm, that says a lot about the Belgians...

Wait, there's more- there's a man who thinks he's a penguin. And believes being one is far better than being Belgian. Penguin-man wears a penguin suit, talks penguin, claims other penguins can understand him, and eats raw fish. He also believes that he will be re-incarnated as a penguin, in a zoo or in the wild- he's not particularly fussed.

Now, to Holland. Did you know that the boundary between Holland and Belgium was made in about 1830 by the British? Neither did I. Apparently, they wanted to create neutral territory to fight the French and the Germans- hence Holland. And the Dutch are not as liberal as we're led to believe. That's only Amsterdam, apparently. Lots of Dutch are opposed to gay marriages, abortion etc. There's even a Christian newspaper that has a daily circulation of 60,000! And this, from a country where 41% of the popultaion does not practise any particular religion.

Oh, I forgot- between the general hilarity created by Wright and Clarkson is to balance things out, I suppose, the show 'Other people's houses'. Whose host Naomi Cleaver is the prissiest, snootiest, most pedantic woman to ever grace television. We watch a house as it's being remodelled by the owners. Cleaver's job is to say what she thinks about the design plans. And take us to other houses which are built in the style that the owners intend to achieve. Cleaver passes her judgement on thsese as well- imagine your house being featured on national TV and then insulted! All in all, quite an interesting show. If you can stand Cleaver, that is.

Homophobia

On TV today was a piece about Elton John's impending marriage to his boyfriend, and the legalisation of gay marriages in the UK. Which sparked off the following:
Mom: *shaking head* Kali kalam- look what's happening...
Me: What's wrong with that?
Mom: It's not normal.
Me: Normal lies in the eyes of the beholder, and would you please stop judging? And being so close minded?
Mom: *suspiciously, eyes narrowed* YOU don't have such tendencies, do you?
Me (and Dad): *go into fits of uncontrollable laughter*
Mom: *nose up in the air* There is no need to be amused.
Me: Seriously, why malign gays, what did they do to you?
Mom: It's wrong...
Mom: * in sudden alarm* ask your brother if there are 'such people' in
his college...I'm getting scared now.
Me&Dad: *ROTFLMAO* Ask him yourself...
One more worry for mom: Could BOTH her children be gay? *gasp*

However hilarious as the above conversation may be, it speaks volumes about the attitude people have about gays and trans-sexuals, even educated people like my mother. Seriously, why this homophobia. Our government refuses to change the law that renders homosexuality a punishable offence, forget about legalising same-sex marriages. And it's not just India, similar attitudes are prevalent in the west as well. Arnold Schwareznegger recently struck down a law that would legalise gay marriages in California. Australia has deemed them illegal. The major objection to same-sex unions is that they go against the 'traditional family unit'. So what do you expect gay people to do? Marry members of the opposite sex and be miserable??
Seriously, why all this homophobia, this prejudice? Clearly, we have a long way to go towards acceptance and accordance of equal status to gays.

Champions Trophy

Went to see the India vs. Australia hockey match today. Or rather, was forcibly dragged by my father to keep him company. My protestations of ignorance (I, er, didn't know the name of a single Indian player-until today, that is) about the sport are met with a curt "I'll teach you." Appa, like many of his generation actually knows a thing or two about hockey-apparently people used to actively follow the sport then. And it also helps that he's from Palayamkottai which has a rich hockey playing tradition- or did in the 60's and 70's when he was growing up. (I went to school there too, but was 20 years too late to catch the hockey fever.) Apparently it was everyone's great ambition that a player from there should get get chosen to represent India in the Olympics. That never happened, unfortunately.

Anyway, back to the match. It's a chilly evening- er, as chilly as it gets here. I'm getting goose bumps. We walk in just as the teams are coming in. And by the time we find seats ("where the ball will never come" as Appa puts it) settle ourselves, Australia has already scored the first goal-within the first two minutes. Appa gives me a triumphant "What did I tell you" look. Things were going exactly as he'd predicted, and we both hope India doesn't lose 6-1 like he said they would. A gentleman behind is keeping us highly entertained with his lively commentary.

India is bungling as usual (cricket, hockey, the sport doesn't make a difference, does it?) They seem to hit the ball directly to an Aussie, or where there's nobody. And then the ball's taken by an Aussie who appears out of nowhere. The Aussie team-it functions like a well oiled machine. They seem to be here, there and everywhere-all at once. Whether to take a ball passed on by a fellow team-mate, or one an Indian is trying to pass on to his team-mate. There are three Aussies for every Indian trying to recieve/pass the ball. Alaways. How this is, I don't know.

And Australia's goal scoring- smooth, super quick and efficient. Blink and you'd miss. 4 goals in the first 20 minutes of the game- so you can imagine. India, on the other hand, would with difficulty reach their 'D' and enter it and the audience would be all agog-every one would be standing on their seats and craning their necks. And then all would come to nought. They'd miss as usual. Even penalty corners. And every time they miss, commentating (commenting?) gentleman, let's call him CG from now, has something to say. Go wear nighties, he says. Your mamma wants you, go, he says. So when they score in the 31st minute, it comes as a surprise. Goal by Tushar Khandekar. But yay! At least it won't be 4-0. Everyone's happy.

At half time we're regaled with songs from Vasool Raja MBBS. Instead of girls in tiny clothes carrying pompoms and saying 'Give me an I, Give me an A...' (It happened at the Chennai open, I swear). CG vanishes and doesn't appear even after play resumes, and I'm upset that I'll be deprived of my auditory entertainment (visual being the Indians' on-field clumsiness). But my fears are unfounded, CG returns clutching a packet of chips.

Second half is uneventful, with either team preventing the other from scoring. India ofcourse gets loud cheers for its efforts. But the Aussies are so good, the crowd can't help but applaud them. Viren Rasquinha gets injured and is carried off the field. We're treated to a display of callisthenics by the burly Aussie substitutes. One of them is a skinhead. There's something scary about them, that makes one recoil instantly. The Indians look benign and do not appear to possess substitutes. Match ends, Indian team makes a show of being disappointed, we leave. Appa is upset- "I've waited my whole life to see this, and India gets thrashed. 25 years, same story. Nothing unexpected. Atleast it wasn't 6-1", he says. Oh,well.

It must be mentioned here that the Aussies are taller, stronger, more muscular and more menacing than the poor puny Indians. I think the they wear sleeveless t-shirts to intimidate their opponents. The Aussies look like buffaloes, albeit white. The Indians look like, well, thayir saadam eating fellows. Except for the two surds. How can this be an even contest?And the bright yellow costume- no doubt to dazzle the eyes of the rival team. How can anyone possibly score a goal when something menacing and bright yellow is coming at them? It must be so distracting! Can't really blame the poor Indians, when the Aussies employ such underhand tactics. And apparently the Europeans have changed the rules to suit their game. How can we expect to win when the whole world is against us?

Geek Joke

A classmate sent this...
There was this maths major guy who got so obsessed with calculus that he went around saying "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you." In the morning when his mum woke him he said "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" and his mum got irritated. When he entered the bus, he told the bus driver "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you." The driver didn't let him in. At school he told his TA "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" and she faile him. At the bar he told the bartender "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" and the bartender poured the alcohol on this guy's head. He told his girlfriend "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" and she kicked him you know where. This process went on and on and everyone got tired of it. So they decided to put him in a mental asylum. the doctor, who came to check him, heard the same thing "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" and wenta lil insane himself. The inmates started complaining when they heard "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" and wrote a petition to put this guy in an isloated cell. Finally he was put in a cell with another extreme lunatic. This guy kept saying "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you" morning evening and night but the other guy didn't budge. Finally this guy got irritated and asked "Doesnt it irritate you when I say "I will integrate you, I will differentiate you??" So the second guy replied "I am e^x."

Indian Airlines is now called Indian. Why??

Beep!

What's with the beeps in the song 'Paathshala-Be a rebel' from Rang De Basanti? Will someone kindly enlighten? They seem to appear at quite random places. It took me a while to even figure out they were part of the song! They sound exactly like my Tata phone when it's low on charge!!

Other than the beeps, RDB is quite a decent album. Other than the title song, which is Punjabi, AND has Daler Mehndi sing it. Therefore I object to it. It also has Chitra, who sounds screechier than ever. But what a strange combination- Mehndi and Chitra!! Roobaroo, Khoon Chala, Tu Bin Bataye and Luka Chuppi are particularly good. Khalbali and Paathshala are ok. Go listen to it on Raaga. Or buy the CD. Right now.

We're in the newspaper today- the blog and I, that is :) Here.

Google's Webclips

One more cool tool from Google! You can now read RSS feeds from your favourite websites and blogs right in your Gmail inbox, below the search box. Very, very nifty. Works just like Google reader but more convenient.
But strangely, this feature isn't available in my other(older) Gmail account. Hmmm...
Update: Webclips now available on old Gmail account.

Jabberwacky

Clever, clever Jabberwacky
Me: Everything is an illusion- nothing is as it seems.
Jabberwacky: The Matrix.

Rain Rain Go Away

Yet another cyclone. Called 'Fanoos'. I don't believe it. Hasn't it rained enough already? 3 times more than usual, in fact. If it rains one more drop, I'll scream.
Update: Leaden skies, piercing rain.

Circular-Student Discipline

This circular was put up on our college department's notice board. I found it so wildly funny that I stole it. I reproduce it here verbatim.

9th March 2004

CIRCULAR
Student discipline

There has been reports of certain untoward incidences happening in the campus. Students have been found in extreme corners of the University campus, as couples in cars or under trees especially under class hours, either early in the morning or late evenings. This sort of behaviour in the campus is deplorable. The University has taken extreme measures to prevent such incidents in the campus. A squad has been formed and if caught students may even be terminated from the rolls of the Department.

(Signed)

Director

Priceless.

Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em

Updated!

My internet is down, thanks to the incessant rain here. Why has Chennai all of a sudden become a favourite of the rain gods? Like that character from one of the Hitchhiker books, whatshishname, the guy on who it rains all the time. The book in which Arthur meets Fenchurch, book 3 was it?

I'm slightly, ok, quite obsessional about the internet, and began exhibiting withdrawal symptoms after going without it for about 15 straight hours! So here I am, sitting in a net cafe, in front of a god- forsaken Windows machine (My blog looks terrible! The colours are awful, the font size is a bit off, is this what it looks like to most people?) , trying to kill the one hour of internet time I've already paid for.

Since this is such a random post anyway, perhaps it's a good time to write about the random things that mothers come up with it. Atleast what mine and my friends' come up with. Ever since first year of college, we've been trying to compile a list of strange things that have been done/said by our mothers. The idea was to choose a winner at the end of four years, something we never got around to doing. Here are some examples, off the top of my head (in no particular order). Readers are welcome to submit their own entries, so a list may be compiled and winners chosen.
1. My mother believes that Adam and Eve descended from the apes.
2. She also believes any woman who marries late/does not marry will get (unspecified) cancer (note the tone of finality in that statement).
3. She once said "The milk tastes odd today because the cow hasn't been started on its regular diet. I had a chat with the milkman today, now drink up!" No, we don't have a cow in the house.
4.She fervently believes that my father is the sole cause for her weight gain. What's aman to do when asked "Do I look fat?" by his wife? Take the only course of action open to him, and say No. Which is what my father did, but every so now and then dropped subtle hints that she should get on the weighing machine. But obviously, she never did, choosing to reject empirical evidence in favour of my father's testimonial.
5. T's mother once sent her 5 raisins along with an inland letter, which T had no choice but to eat. I swear, I saw this.
6. She asked T to take Vitamin C pills, to prevent her from getting SARS . Ok, now here's her funda: Vit.C prevent colds, and so long as you don't catch a cold, SARS can't 'get into' your body. Besides, the anti-oxidant properties of Vit. C would also work against the SARS virus.
7. While driving, she hit the accelerator instead of the break and the unfortunate car went flying (yes, james bond style) across a canal, broke 2 walls and finally came to a dramatic halt by a tree! Understandbly T's father does not let her mother touch the car anymore.
8.M's mother doesn't let the windows in the house be kept open during the rainy season, lest snakes make their way into the house. The door can stay wide open, of course.
9.D's mother takes off her glasses so she doesn't miss important dialogues in films/serials etc. She believes that she cannot hear properly with glasses on, you see.
10. A's mother types out entire SMS messages in the 'insert word' mode. She will not turn off dictionary and make life simpler for herself.
11. rtp chips in with this: I know one mother who has to play a game of one-upmanship with regard to edible gifts. So if someone brings over a cake, she has to give them two. If they bring over a half kg of chicken curry, she has to give them a kg.

That's all for now, will post more once I can think of them