Here's how:
Persuade your mother to go back to academics- don't listen to her protests, fill up her form yourself, stick her picture and send it. And then
You wonder if she needs to have her eyes checked-will she be able to see the board without glasses?
Tell her that she absolutely needs to know computers for the course, and try to teach her to click and double-click. And when she doesn't show enthusiasm, pretend to be annoyed at her excuses (which are hilarious).
Insist that she carries a note-book, pens and other assorted stationery.
Drop her off at class.
Tell her not to fall asleep.
Go pick her up from class.
Demand whether she took notes, and then demand to see them.
Ask her what they taught her in class today.
Tell her 'Enough goofing, now go and study'.
Watch her do homework! Tell her yes, she absolutely must read all the 150 pages she's been asked to.
Go to bed when she's doing the homework.
Explain to her what a standard normal distribution is, and while you're at it, spout complicated mathematical formulae, and freak her out. And when she sniffily tells you that yes, she has heard of standard deviation is, having studied Stats in college, you ask her how they passed her if she doesn't know what a standard normal curve is.
Say profound things like 'Welcome to the real world'.
Wait for the tests to begin.
Relax the entire week she has contact classes- it's your good fortune that they're in Bangalore.
Yes, that's what I'm doing right now.
And yes, I also know that I'm mean.
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17 comments:
Hehehe.
Does she have a curfew and allocated TV/telephone time?
And a constant flow of the question 'have you been revising?'
Hmm, should try to make my grandmother enrol..
:) No curfew yet. Should probably restrict TV/telephone usage, hmm...
No 'have you been revising' questions yet, the classes only started on Sunday. But rest assured that they shall be asked when exams come around.
Your grandmother? Hehe
Ahhh, sweet revenge.
I once tried really hard to teach my mother how the computer works(she has an allergy to anything electronic). Hell on earth. Every time without fail, midway through my inspired ramblings on how partition drives work, the difference between vector and raster graphics, and how complex files break down so beautifully into simple binary, she'd nod and nod and nod and eventually nod right off to sleep. Parents these days, I tell you. No interest in academics, no sense of responsibility, no respect for age and experience, bah.
Eyefry: Here we go again- you seem to be a lethal combination of extreme naivete(I demand an umlaut over the i, and an accent over the e!) and extreme ambition... When mothers fall asleep in the middle of a practical lesson on computers, you gave yours a theory lesson? Well, you deserved what you got :P
And what be these vector and raster graphics? Oh wait, is it my cue to say something arcane?
Naïveté! Your cynicism gets the better of you. My mum was, at various times, a science student, a general science teacher, a journalism/literature student, an english teacher and an IELTS examiner. That kind of background isn't exactly the best setting for an onset of theory-weariness. Of course, if you insist on being abusive, I don't mind personal attacks on my teaching methods. It's something I was never very good at.
Speaking of which.
Hardly arcane, but still: Raster graphics are composed of pixels, which means you can increase the size of a raster image only so much before it starts looking all fragmented and glitchy. And the more the detail, the greater the file size. Technically, raster graphics are encoded in terms of co-ordinates of each bit of colour. This file-type is best suited to photos. Photoshop is a raster software.
Vector graphics are composed of lines, shapes and colour values. They can be enlarged to any size, because the information is coded in terms of what the image looks like, the lines it is composed of and the colours it carries. Best suited to line art. Corel Draw and Illustrator are vector-based software.
The above isn't the most learned of explanations, but it's the best I can do for now.
Phew.
Hey, you're the one who said your mom's allergic to all things electronic. If that's the case, then she'd hardly want to be lectured on how partition drives work.
Ah. Am enlightened, thank you :)
p.s. No offence to your mom, or to your teaching methods :)
eye -
while you're at it, can you tell me how to link sites on a comment?
eg, have 'this' be http://whatever.com with blue linking thingie.
Doesn't the usual tag work? Let's see
this
yeah. that. how do you do that?
open '<' bracket, 'a href="www.whatever.com"', close '>' bracket, 'nameofsite', open '<', '/a' and close '>'
Nina: Offended? Far from. Just kidding around...
this
oorah!
Antickpix: Sorry, thought you knew that...
rub it in
*sniff*
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