This came by email, from my friend T:

"guys...i found this cream among my labmate's cosmetic possessions tht
she keeps in the lab. it comes in a jersey cow-black-patched
container. its called "udderly smooth- udder cream"...a protective
coating, useful as an aid for keeping skin soft n supple.
directions for use: wash udder and teat parts thoroughly with clean
water and soap before each milking to avoid contamination of milk. use
clean individual towels for this pupose. apply to the udder after each
milking, massaging into the skin. for teat cracks apply in sufficient
quantity to fill crack and cover surrounding area. apply uniformly to
chafed area and bruises to maintain skin suppleness.
for aid in softening swollen udders following calving. apply liberally
twice daily with gentle massage."

America is a truly strange country.