?!*

Sunset Over the Euphrates

2010-09-12T11:08:00.005-04:00

Birecik, south-eastern Turkey.
20/07/2010

2009-03-25T05:45:00.003-04:00

Ok, so this is REALLY lame. But it would have been much worse had I stuck to song titles (as original tag asks you to) rather than book titles. Picked Le Carre because it means minimal research, having read nine out of his twenty-one novels (I also own about five more that I haven't read).

Using only book titles from ONE WRITER, cleverly answer these questions.

Pick Your writer:
John Le Carre

Are you male or female?
A Perfect Spy

Describe yourself:
Absolute Friends

How do you feel about yourself?
The Naïve and Sentimental Lover

Describe where you currently live:
The Russia House

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
A Small Town in Germany

Your best friend is:
The Honourable Schoolboy

Your favourite colour is:
The Unbearable Peace

You know that:
Smiley's People

What's the weather like:
A Murder of Quality

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?
What Ritual is Being Observed Tonight?

What is life to you?
The Looking-Glass War

What is the best advice you have to give?
Call for the Dead

If you could change your name, what would it be?
The Little Drummer Girl

Your favourite food is:
The Mission Song

p.s. If you haven't read Le Carre, go pick up The Spy Who Came in From the Cold. And then the Smiley books. And BBC's TV version of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (which is so engaging that I watched all six hours of it in one sitting, even though I'd already read the book). I'll shut up now.

p.p.s. Feel free to take this up, anyone. Or do the original one. Or not.

2009-02-09T02:44:00.002-05:00

Tagged. This gives me something to blog about, so I won't complain too much.

Twenty-one random things about myself-

1. As a child, I couldn't pronounce my other, longer name- and so I spliced together the first and last syllables and called myself 'Nina', which stuck.

2. People often think I'm naive and innocent. This usually works to my advantage.

3. I completely fail to see the point of spending vast sums of money on jewellery. No, the "Oh, it's an investment" argument doesn't quite cut it.

4. The other day, some nutjob sent me via fax to my uncle's office, a marriage proposal written in chaste Malayalam.

5. I've wanted to visit Mt.St.Helens ever since I saw a picture of it in The Living Planet, at age five or six. Finally did, last summer. I was thrilled to bits.

6. My family has more than its fair share of loonies, drunks and runaways and mediums who operate the ouija board. Much entertainment, therefore.

7. I love gossip. Always have. Ever since I can remember.

8. I hate, hate, HATE shopping for clothes. I'd much rather differentiate under the integral sign.

9. But I really like shopping for shoes.

10. I prefer buying second-hand books to new. Hard bound.

11. I'm completely fascinated by cyclones.

12. I have a huge crush on Hugh Laurie. Well, House MD, actually.

13. This is as hard as it looks.

14. I still know an embarrassing amount about Hindi cinema- especially the love lives of stars and starlets from the mid-nineties, because my loo reading during this period was Stardust.

15. I find it very difficult to tell people off. When I do manage to, I feel quite pleased with myself.

16. I went and watched midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show on Halloween a couple of years ago. My friend and I were the only ones who were sober and not in fancy dress.

17. I think you stop making good friends once you leave college.

18. My great-grandfather ran away from home because of his step-mother's cruelty. He somehow ended up in Colombo where he made his fortune. Sounds like a cliche, but true story.

19. I wish I'd cut more classes in college.

20. I derive great pleasure from electrocuting mosquitoes. GREAT. Is that bloodlust?

21. I've been told that swearing doesn't suit me. That doesn't really stop me, though.

Anyone out there foolhardy enough to take this up, feel free.

2008-12-23T06:20:00.003-05:00

(Because I have nothing else to write about)

Part of gtalk conversation I had yesterday with my friend Tista:

me: anyway, koschen
tista: yes..
me: is it just me or do you also like it when men carry pens in their shirt/kurta pockets?
tista: i like men carrying pens in kurta pockets.
me: kurta pockets better definitely
tista: yep
:)

Now you know.

2008-12-17T04:28:00.012-05:00

Found this bit of silly writing among some old letters and photographs- written (I think) by my father and his friend, S. Obviously they found the idea of the marriage of their mutual friend G (aka Bunty) to a Bangladeshi girl hilarious.

COMING! COMING!! COMING!!!

IT TOOK BOSTON BY STORM! REGALED AUDIENCES AT NY, LA, TORONTO!!!

NOW- READY TO CONQUER INDIA!

AT RAAGAL-BOMBAY LAL QILA JABALPORE FORTUNE TLY

AND TO BREAK ALL RECORDS IN BANGLADESH!

AT TAKA-DHAKA ISLAMIA-JESSORE SULTAN-CHITTAGONG

ANAMIKA PRESENTS

INDO-BANGLA COMBINES'

BUNTY- a teenage Love Story

Sizzling romantic saga! Love Epic! Bolder than him! More brazen than her!! Lustier than ISI! Strictly for Adults! Triple-X Rated!

Breaking religious and national barriers! Sex in a secular vein! Socks you between the legs! Makes you blush like a beetroot!

Introducing Bunty as Bunty; Laila as Runa

Starring Brighlal as Daddyji; Scarlet Dhara as Mummyji;
Bjorn Andersen as ABBA; Emmanuelle as AMMA

With Meera Sen as Baby Laila

DIRECTED BY Steve Victor SCREENPLAY Charles Deveraux
AUDIO Nimish Mehta VIDEO Groovy

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT ALL BRANCHES OF BAWA MORNING STORES

--------- A rajpillai international release ---------

" The story of Laila and Bunty... in the voluptuous and earthy language of LOVE"- PULSE

" ... Gripping..." - Pratibimb

" If this film had been made before partition, it would have changed the... course of history. " -SIR RICHARD ATTENBOROUGH

" It is clever- but is it art?" - HARVARD JOURNAL OF ANTHROPOLOGY AND NATURAL HISTORY

" This film truly depicts the unculturisation, the acculturisation and the agriculturisation of the Asian Society in the American Social Frame" - A C Sinha IN THE MAURITANIA TIMES

" ... doing ... the usual ... " - E. B. MAX

BHARAT-BANGLA
BHAI-BAHAN!

2008-11-05T00:48:00.001-05:00

Woohoo!

Upon Driving on Chennai Roads: Anecdotes, Questions and Observations

2008-10-03T14:21:00.003-04:00

Anecdote

Friday last, 9.45 am, Chamiers Rd/Cenotaph Rd Intersection.

I've just been pulled over by traffic cop for jumping a red light (the damn thing had turned red before I could drive off. Don't ask). We get out of the car, and follow the guy. He's clearly a rookie.

"LLR-a? You're not allowed to drive in traffic."
"Oh yes I am!"
" Read your LLR properly- it says in there that you can't."

I fish out my LLR and (triumphantly) read out loud, "The attention of the holder of this license is drawn to rule-3 of Central Motor Vehicle Rules 1989. Which prohibits him from driving any motor vehicle unless he has besides him a person duly licensed to drive the vehicles and in every case, the vehicle carries "L" plate both in the front and in the rear of the vehicle."

I sound quite indignant, and Rookie senses that I'm about to pick up a fight. And so we are taken to meet the boss. The Boss regards me balefully and parrots out, "LLR-a? You're not allowed to drive in traffic. Read your LLR properly- it says in there that you can't." Before I reply, Rookie, tells his boss with a smirk, "She's claiming that there's no such rule." I feel belligerent, and dearly want to break his nose. The Boss continues his interrogation,
"What are you doing driving in traffic?"
"Learning to drive in traffic..."
"You're not allowed to do that! You're supposed to practice on empty roads."
"But I've already done that! And anyway, there's no rule that stops me from driving in traffic."
"No, you can only drive in traffic when you have your license! What if you cause an accident?" I want to say to him, you moron, a driver's license does not automatically endow anyone with perfect driving skills.
"How do you propose I learn to drive in traffic, then?"
"YOU CAN DRIVE IN TRAFFIC ONLY AFTER YOU"VE GOT YOUR LICENSE"
"But there is no such rule!"
"When I tell you something, you must listen. Instead you go on insisting that the rabbit has three legs..."
"BUT THERE IS NO SUCH RULE!"
"You're a girl, so I can't say anything to you. You'll claim that I harassed you."
"Err, if you say so."
"Now get lost."
"Ok"

See how the cops made no mention about my actual offense? It's symptomatic of a special kind of idiocy that's endemic to the authorities.

And that, folks was my tryst with the law.

Questions and Observations

-Why is switching on the indicator while changing lanes not standard practice in India? It makes me very nervous not doing this. In Kerala, putting on your right indicator while driving on a straight road apparently means that you're allowing the person behind to overtake you. Scary.

-Bike drivers are a nuisance to civilised society. Also, auto drivers. Ok, some car drivers too.

-Oh god, how I love power steering!

2008-09-09T09:09:00.003-04:00

Please to get your hands on J.P.Donleavy's The Unexpurgated Code. At once, if you know what's good for you.

Choice Excerpts-

Knowing When You Have Reached the Top

Upon a chosen clement day, exercise a sartorial master stroke of impeccable taste. Don a neatly laundered and sharply pressed pair of flannel cricket trousers, white buckskin shoes, white moleskin hacking jacket with a red carnation in the lapel, silk shirt and purple tweed tie. In your summery stylish regalia, and really looking nice, poise on the sixth floor room balcony of a goodish old fashioned downtown hotel. When everyone is suitably assembled to watch you jump off to break your head, commence peeing. If no one tries to rush the hell out of your pissing all over them, you have reached the top.

Shaving

This daily repeated ritual of symbolic castration does help to keep chaps in their place who might otherwise become roaring out of control gorillas. Those who have the audacious vanity to let sprout sideburns, moustaches and the like only call attention to their self advertised symptom of testicular curtailment...

...Being yourself a hairy ape accosted by some clean shaven rube who comes bleating at you with his bare face hanging out with the question.

'Hey why are you growing that beard.'

Always reply in pukka.

'I say, you unpleasantly unfortunate radoteur, I'm not doing a thing. You're shaving every day.'

Upon Travelling in Space

When your fellow passenger's dinner floats away from his mouth with weightlessness, gently push it back in his direction. Be doubly careful at your toiletries and remember, breaking wind in these rarefied atmospheres can be positively dangerous.
Arriving on the foreign planet, do not display your clod hopping primitive ways but attempt to imitate their modern ones. And don't above all try to get funny by telling a long string of earthy jokes to the first foreigner you see. Nor attempt any carnal linkage or saucy dovetailing until you know for sure where to put your what for into their this is it. Also you better hope to god you can get it out again. As you wouldn't know what the hell kind of magnetics they've got out there in some of them galaxies.

2008-08-24T15:50:00.007-04:00

A food-obsessed post. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Walked into the Spencer's daily close to home today, and made a discovery that made my day. They stock-
(i) Dorset Cereals- yes that one owned by Prince Charles- which, even in Boston was only available in the higher-end grocery stores such as Whole Foods. Expensive even by American standards, each packet sells for Rs.450 here. Ah, Whole Foods...
(ii) Kikkoman soy sauce. Real, brewed soy sauce. The brand my Taiwanese roommates (and I) used to favour.
(iii) Pad Thai sauce, Oyster sauce, Thai green curry paste. Chinese-style candied ginger and black bean paste (which is quite wonderful, btw). All this talk of Chinese food makes me crave for Gourmet Dumpling's scallion pancakes with that divine dipping sauce, and ma po tofu. Ah, Chinatown...
Who are these denizens of T.Nagar who cook Thai & Chinese food? I'd really like to get to know them!
(iv)Prego pasta sauce. We preferred Newman's Own, however. Least tasteless of the lot.Capers! Sun-dried tomato pesto! Canned chickpeas! Apple cider vinegar! Dried cranberries and dried pineapple! Almost like being in America again.

I've missed a few things, I'm sure.

I'm sure some of these things have been available in Madras for some time now, but only in places like Amma Nana, or Nuts and Spices. To find these things in a neighbourhood grocery store with nary an expat in sight was well, a bolt out of the blue. I can't get over this!

Must now scope out the shops that expats frequent to see what bounty they might yield... Btw, does anyone know where one can get good, fresh tofu in Madras?

Oh, and look what's become cool in America! Now what, plastic baskets are going to be all the rage next?

Limericks!

2008-08-17T00:05:00.005-04:00

Decipher these-

There was a young lady from Del.
Who was most undoubtedly wel.
That to dress for a masque
Wasn't much of a tasque,
But she cried, "What on earth will my fel.?"

A handsome young gent down in Fla.
Collapsed in a hospital ca.
A young nurse from Me.
Sought to banish his pe.
And shot him! Now what could be ha.?

More here. Via.

Cool, what?

Two Questions

2008-08-03T11:23:00.003-04:00

Isn't it illegal to hang pictures of Hindu gods in government offices? And have priests come in and conduct prayers on (what appeared to be) a daily basis?

Why do actors in Hinglish movies sound like they've stepped out of a high school play? (Context? I watched Dance Like a Man a few days ago)

2008-07-16T12:05:00.005-04:00

So, spent the weekend in the boonies. Getting off at Tuticorin airport, one is immediately greeted by the smell of neem, and the dry, intense heat, so different from the humid Madras kind. Good to be home.

Much has changed-

Apartment complexes are mushrooming everywhere, especially in the suburbs. This is awful. Kalimark, which used to sell the best buns and cupcakes is gone. Also gone are Supreme, Queen's and every other small shop selling baked goods. Only the bigger businesses- with their neon signs and air-conditioned stores- remain. The town area still looks much the same, thankfully. Iruttu Kadai Alva- so called because the only source of illumination for the tiny shop is a zero watt bulb- is still doing roaring business- demand far outstrips supply, and each customer may not buy more than a kilo of alva. Sort of like the iphone, in the early days. And Bovonto still survives, ha ha!

We've got this old driver, who's been with us since my uncles were boys, and a favourite with us due to his many eccentricities. Chief among these was his habit of fondly referring to our Maruti Omni as Kannukutti, and to the Ambassador as erumai mAdu. Anyway, when I saw him on Friday last, my jaw nearly dropped- the man who was always dressed in a folded-up veshti was wearing... trousers! I've seen it all now. I think.

Ate, no gorged on my grandmother's cooking. Kozhukattais and karuppu thosai, especially.

The printer at the ticketing office at the airport never works. As a result, and to our great amusement our ticket was a tiny piece of paper with our names, PNR number and date written on it. Stamped and signed, of course.

At security check, the woman wielding the metal detector looks me up and down, and I flash her (what I suppose to be) a winning smile. She asks me, "Enga, madrasukkA poreenga?" Where else, I want to say. There's only one flight from that airport, and that flight goes to Madras. Instead I simply nod. "Oho, enna vishayamA poreenga?" I say, "Illai, angerundhu dhAn vandhEn." And she replies, "Oh ungaLa munnAdi pArthade illai, adhAn kEttEn. There, the morbid Tirunelveli curiosity. A few years ago, this question would have annoyed me no end. Now I find the whole exchange hilarious.

Quote of the Day

2008-07-06T13:58:00.002-04:00

Or, why men's magazines are much more entertaining than women's-

"Essentially, french cuffs without cuff links are like Playboy without the centrefold."

(From Man's Mission magazine)

2008-05-14T23:54:00.004-04:00

From T.P. Meenakshisundaran's A History of Tamil Language, from a chapter that talks about loan words from Portuguese-

"...tocai is from doce which was the name of a sweet dish; by the process of semantic extension, this has come to mean any rice cake."

Who'd have thunk it?

So what was the dosai (or tocai, which is how I pronounce is anyway) called before the Portuguese arrived in Tamil land? Surely, dosais predate Portuguese colonisation? According to this article, dosais have a two thousand year history in TN.[1]

Why then, has the dosa/dose usage been adopted in the other southern states? Unless dosai-making spread out of TN only in the last three-four hundred years or so. Does anyone even know that dosais were invented in TN? I remember reading somewhere that they are an Udupi creation. Hmm...

Meenakshisundaran also insists that the Tamil vattu comes from the Portuguese word for duck (which quick googling reveals to be pato). Come to think of it, I can't seem to recall a single reference to ducks from what little classical/Bhakti era Tamil poetry I know. By way of aquatic birds, swans and cranes, yes. But ducks, no. Interesting, but why/how? Anyone know the Malayalam/Telugu/Kannada word for duck?

[1]But said article claims that fermentation techniques were brought to South India from Indonesia sometime during the years, 800-1200 AD. Hello? No fermentaion, no dosai.

2008-05-07T23:17:00.005-04:00

Woodlands Drive-In has shut down, it seems. Could anything be more tragic, you ask?

Actually, yes.

Karpagambal Mess has downed its shutters too. Taken over by Vasanta Bhavan, I'm told.
Where will I go for my pongal-vadai-filter coffee-badam halwa fix now?

I was misinformed. Thank god!

2008-05-04T18:22:00.007-04:00

Bobo's tag:

Last movie seen in a theatre:

Encounters at the End of the World, at the Boston Independent Film Festival. Good in bits, but worth a watch overall.

What book are you reading?

My Name is Red. Yes, still.

Favourite board game:
Pictionary. Can't draw too well, but very good at guessing.

Favourite magazine:
The New Yorker.

Favourite smells:

The smell of old books, and of wet earth (cliched, I admit). Also, citrus, curry leaves, coffee, freshly baking bread, caramelising sugar, ghee...

Favourite sound:

Never thought about it. Flowing water, I suppose. And the sound of spices spluttering in hot oil.

Worst feeling in the world:

Grief.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?

Fuck, what time is it?

Favourite fast food place:

American fast food is gross. In Madras, Gangotree. Also Anna Univ canteen for the badam milk, pav bhaji and chole bhature.

Future child’s name:

Who thinks that far ahead?!

Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…”

Travel, eat fancy things like truffles. Buy expensive books.

Do you drive fast?

Don't drive.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

No.

Storms - Cool or Scary?

Cool. Cyclones infinitely cooler than New England snowstorms.

Do you eat the stems on broccoli?

Hate broccoli. Ugh.

If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice?

Wouldn't dye it.

Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:

Tirunelveli (17 years); Madras (5 years); Waltham, MA (1 year); Cambridge, MA (9 months and counting)

Favourite sports to watch:

Cricket.

One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:

Nice boy. And sharp, too.

What’s under your bed?

Under my bed are drawers containing bedsheets and pillowcases.

Would you like to be born as yourself again?

Yes, but an improved version- with a talent for physics and maths. Everything else, I don't really mind/can deal with. And better eyesight, while we are at it.

Morning person or night owl?

Night Owl

Over easy or sunny side up?

Neither. Hard hoiled/scrambled/omelettes.

Favourite place to relax:

My room.

Favourite pie:

Pecan.

Favourite ice cream flavour:

Blood orange sorbet. And ooh, watermelon.

You pass this tag to –

Abhilash.

Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?

Have only tagged one person.

A Perfect Saturday

2008-04-26T23:36:00.005-04:00

Beautiful warm spring weather; flowers in full bloom.

Ice-cream for breakfast. A morning at Gore place, spent sitting on the grass, basking in the sun. Watching Alpacas and goats; sheep being sheared.

Followed by fresh fava beans, green almonds, Muhammara and Baklava at Arax in Watertown.

An evening spent in pleasant company. Walking around the lovely, lovely Mt.Auburn cemetery where lie buried, among others, H.W.Longfellow and Oliver Wendell Holmes. And demitasse shot of luscious hot chocolate at L.A.Burdick.

And to end, a wonderful, unexpected recital of Brahms and Mendelssohn by the Cambridge Chamber Players at the Dunster House Library.

And to think, as of 10 a.m. this morning, I had no plans for the day.

Apathy

2008-04-24T03:36:00.002-04:00

When was the last time you felt strongly about something? Took a stand, even?

2008-04-19T02:54:00.002-04:00

Baby penguins are ridiculously cute.

Sigh.

2008-04-07T00:55:00.003-04:00

On a trip to my friend M's place in Cochin back when we were in college, I became mildly obsessed with learning how to read Malayalam (don't ask), and with some help from M and her cousins, I somehow managed to learn the script. The obsession lasted for several more months. In order to practice my reading, every time M went back home, I'd ask her to bring me a copy of the Malayala Manorama, something she'd invariably forget to do.

Until one monday morning, having just returned from Kerala, M said to me, "I haven't forgotten this time. In fact, I brought you two!" Excited, I opened the cover only to be confronted by a very fat, topless Mallu woman. Poor M, thoroughly embarrassed said "Well, at least now I know why the other passengers were giving me strange looks!" She had quite innocently bought me a couple of Mallu porn magazines. Heh. These I certainly did not want to read. M & I tore 'em up into little pieces and chucked them in the dustbin (but not before the boys in class had had a dekko).

Oh, college was so much fun. Been trying to learn Nastaliq/Urdu these days (incredibly difficult, but I persevere), which is what triggered above recollection.

Mad Dogs and Engishmen

2008-04-03T00:22:00.000-04:00

2008-03-30T01:32:00.003-04:00

How do you convince an overanxious mother that-

a) you are not ready to get married now, nor will you be in a couple years' (or more) time.
b) that you do not want her to find you a husband.
c) in the very event that you do not find anyone you want to marry (and even more impossibly, wants to marry you), she should be able to deal with it.

Is it just me, or does the idea of spending your entire life with one person give you the heebie-jeebies?

2008-03-15T23:09:00.003-04:00

Go watch Persepolis NOW.

Can't believe Ratatouille beat it at the Oscars. Where's the comparison, even?

2008-03-05T22:59:00.003-05:00

Such drama, over the past two days.

First, My roommate P socks my other roomate D on the face (and breaking her nose in the process) over something really minor. argument. Then (after some deliberation) D & I call the cops. They come within minutes, question us about what happened, read P her rights, arrest her on charges of battery and assault (and I kid you not)handcuff her and take her away.

This morning, D & I go first to the police station, pick up our copy of the complaint. We then proceed to court, meet with the lawyer D has been assigned, since this is now a criminal case. We appear before the judge and request a restraining order against P, which we are granted. It's all so easy and smooth.

There will be a hearing 10 days hence to determine whether the restraining order will be extended to a year. Sometime in April, the case will come up for hearing. I'm to be present at both hearings since I'm the witness.

If you think calling 911 was excessive, it wasn't. We really were left with no choice. We had to take a stand somewhere, having this past month or two tolerated P's bad behaviour; ignored the childishness and the pettiness(she diluted our soap!). Anyone who knows me (I think) will agree that I'm at best reasonable, and at least try very hard to be. The same goes for D. In fact, sometimes she's nice to the point of being a pushover.

When we called the cops, we didn't know that she'd get arrested. Which I think is a good thing, because had we known then, we might never have made the call. As days progressed, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to live with P, and hopefully all problems will be sorted out one way or the other.

But I still can't believe the turn events have taken.

2008-02-28T00:13:00.002-05:00

Writer Sujatha is dead.

I'm not a particularly big fan of his work. Nor am I well-acquainted with it. I watched his futuristic En Iniya Iyandhira which used to air on DD-5 in the pre-cable part of the '90s and thought it the epitome of cool. People in it slept on water beds! And Gino, the robot dog (which every child that watched the show dreamed of owning)!

Have only read one of his books- Pesum Bommaigal, a sci-fi novel that features the lawyer/detectives, Ganesh and Vasant, thus marrying the two genres he specialised in writing. Reasonably entertaining, but derivative. And of course, there were the Ganesh/Vasant adaptations on Sun TV(monday nights at 9, was it?) and the dialogue he wrote for such movies as Mudhalvan and Boys.

He was a friend of my father's, so I knew him a little, you see. I remember visiting him and his wife in their flat. Also in Kutralam where he'd come to write undisturbed, and where we took him to the excellent, but now sadly defunct Shankar's mess (Shankar served, while his mother cooked over a wood fire, as a result of which the tiny place was suffused with smoke). He went into ecstasies over his adai, and wrote about it in Kumudham/Ananda Vikatan, even.

I feel a little sad to see him go.

2008-02-26T11:52:00.001-05:00

:D

[via ships, shoes, sealing wax]

2007-12-17T22:36:00.000-05:00

I've been watching Michael Madana Kama Rajan on youtube, and I realised that sans moustache, Kamal looks the unctuous sort of Tambrahm that one (unfortunately) encounters every now and then. Especially when he takes his shirt off- creepy, creepy, creepy.

Movie's still as funny as ever, of course. Watch.

"Naanum rowdy akkum kettela?!"
"gramamum cooka, Neengalum cooku!"

Ahahahahaha.

2007-12-11T02:49:00.000-05:00

Ok, all you men out there, how many of you think the following?

(i)women pee backwards

(ii)women use sanitary napkins because they don't have bladder control

(iii)the unnatural sheen on Padma Laksmi's cheeks is imparted not by make-up, but by liberal use of moisturiser(!)? [1]

All this from A, a friend who has more close female friends than male. If his perception is so warped (although to me it sounds plain stupid- is that unfair?), what about the rest?

[1] This is interesting. A was most upset when informed that Padma cakes her face with make-up. He refused to believe us (before coming up with the moisturiser explanation). So men don't like the idea of women wearing make-up, even while being unable to tell the difference between a heavily made-up face from one that's devoid of any paint? Subliminially do they prefer a made-up face? Probably if a lot of lipstick is involved. Yes? No?

2007-11-18T01:26:00.001-05:00

Last night at the Zakir Hussain-Rahul Sharma concert, spotted A, whose blog I read. I'd have gone up to her and started a conversation (i) if it weren't for my terminal shyness, and (ii) it embarrasses me that I know all these details about her life (her blog is mostly personal, but not nearly as personal as say, eM's) while she probably doesn't even know that I exist. Granted, she's only revealing superficial details- but I still find the situation uncomfortable. Does anyone else feel this way?

It's thanksgiving next week. D & I are going to NYC to visit Aditya, who is all set to regale us with his cooking- he's got an elaborate menu planned out. The boy is actually making turkey! He even asked me what vegetarian dish I wanted, and I said thayir saadam[1]. Heh.

I'm probably the only person in the USA who is completely unmoved by the impending arrival of Black Friday. Everyone around me seems to be feverishly searching for deals online. My Taiwanese roommates, Pei & Fei[2] are all geared up to buy clothes and (presumably) more beauty products. I wish you could see our bathroom. The number of masks, gels, sprays, mists, mousses, souffles, butters, creams (and some of them chocolate flavoured, even!) and god knows what else that the two have managed to accumulate boggles the mind. And already one showers crouching in a corner because of the presence of a huge shower caddy presence of an array of aforementioned unguents... I wonder if bookstores have Black Friday sales? I might consider camping outside one if they did.

Speaking of bookstores, I've been buying a lot of books lately. Picked up at Trident books, discounted from $35 to $10, a brand new hardcover copy of The Three Musketeers that I'd been coveting for months. And more books shall be bought at Strand next week. Fun.

[1] He once served thayir saadam to a bunch of unsuspecting Americans at a dinner party.
[2] Those are their names. Really.

2007-09-10T20:26:00.000-04:00

I missed Michael Palin's talk. I can't believe it. To think I walk past the bookstore that organised the event on my way to work everyday. To think Palin was five blocks from home and I was blissfully unaware of it. Oh, the tragedy of it all. And I also missed Alan Alda's talk- but they were giving out tickets on a lottery system, and I probably wouldn't have won one anyway. Or so I console myself.

I did, however, manage to go see Russell Peters perform live. I hadn't seen before any of the routines he performed that night- and he picked on K(a friend of D's who'd come along with us)! So Peters starts talking about how men shouldn't pluck their eyebrows, scours the audience, points at K and says "You gay fuck, you do it dontcha?" Sharp eyes, that man has. So yeah, much fun.

Last month was eventful. Went to Cape Cod, got on a jet ski, got scared and got off all in the space of 20 minutes. Went to Buffalo, saw the Niagara falls, and was curiously underwhelmed. Perhaps it was the extreme grotesqueness of the buildings around the falls; or the sewage floating in the river; or the complete and utter touristiness of the place that did it. If it had been sunny, maybe I'd have ignored everything else and let myself be dazzled by the rainbow colours. And also the vast quantities of water. Dunno.

Moved house to the heart of Cambridge (the one in Massachusetts, not to be confused with the one in the UK). I now live within walking distance of a bookstore and a public library. How cool is that?! Did I mention the restaurants? No? Plenty of those too. Civilisation at last. Woohoo!

2007-08-01T01:44:00.000-04:00

Ah, life's little ironies- and this one just made my evening.

(In the 1940s, early in their business partnership, they made a discovery that changed the view of Alcott, whose 1868 novel, “Little Women,” has been a staple for generations of adolescent girls: they proved that Alcott also wrote a far more scandalous brand of fiction, anonymously and under pseudonyms. These were stories, as Ms. Stern put it in a 1995 interview, of “thuggism, feminism, hashish, transvestitism,” and the discovery helped kick off a long career of literary detective work and book buying and selling for the two.

(Full story here.)

A Long Fatal Love Chase and Pauline's Passion and Punishment. So the creator of the world's preachiest novel wrote gothic romances as a sideline. Too delicious to be true, eh? Why, oh why didn't I know about all this when I was 12? Or even 14?

Maybe now would be a good time to visit Concord, where Louisa May grew up seeing as it's only 3 train stops away from here. And models of efficiency that roomie & I are, we've already reserved A Long Fatal... at the library already. Should arrive soon. Promises to be fun.

2007-07-05T12:21:00.000-04:00

More than 4,000 new Americans were sworn in yesterday in tradition-steeped — and some not so traditional — Fourth of July ceremonies. About 1,000 people from 75 countries took their oaths together under the turrets of Cinderella’s Castle at Walt Disney World in Lake Buena Vista, Fla., as Gloria Estefan sang “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

Jee-zus Christ. I wonder how traumatising that must have been...

Rest of the story here.

2007-07-03T09:08:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, as flight to Boston is about to land, friendly steward comes to me and asks, "Are you the UM?" Seeing my blank look he explains, "Unaccompanied Minor". Bloody hell.

And this other time, I'm reading HP 6 (it had released the previous day, see) on a flight from Delhi to Madras when moronic air hostess comes to me and tries to give me a- I kid you not- jetkids goody bag. With an indulgent smile on her face.

Why do these things happen to me?

2007-06-21T04:28:00.001-04:00

From the woman who invented the popularity dialer:

The things people come up with!

2007-06-14T06:08:00.001-04:00

2 (free) tickets for ~~tomorrow's~~ Sunday's 2 pm screening of Sivaji up for grabs. Any takers?

Update: Given away!

2007-06-12T09:53:00.000-04:00

My diploma arrived last night- I now officially possess an M.S. degree in Neuroscience (sounds lofty I know, but doesn't really mean much). So, in celebration I leave you with some PJs.

What is Khalistan's national anthem?
Bande Marte Hum.

What is Khalistan's international airline called?
Kithey Pacific? (Don't know why, but I find this insanely funny)

And Khalistan's domestic airline?
Ithey Pacific!

I've forgotten the rest.

2007-06-07T05:46:00.000-04:00

Watch this and cringe. Really, the man ought to retire.

2007-06-02T00:09:00.000-04:00

For whatever this is worth (can't be much, but): Is anyone who's reading this going for the QFI open quiz tomorrow? We need a third team-mate, and if anyone's willing leave a comment/email me at duffilled@gmail.com. Thanks!

2007-05-29T06:32:00.000-04:00

Discovery of the day: They've got condom vending machines in the ladies' loo here at Heathrow! So the authorities don't mind bored passengers getting it on in abandoned toilets? Hmm..

2007-04-26T17:25:00.000-04:00

Pix's tag:

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

Remnants of scratched-upon chicken pox blisters. Various locations, luckily none on face.

3. What does your phone look like?

Nokia, black, stubborn smudges on screen. Ignorant as to model number.

5. What is your current desktop picture?

An eyefry creation: bawling infant exposing tonsils entitled 'Waaaaah!'. Rather fetching, it is.

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Not sure I believe in marriage per se. But I do believe that two consenting adults have every right to do whatever the hell they feel like. Yeah, I guess that means I support gay marriage.

10. What are you listening to?

Nothing. In lab.

11. Do you get scared of the dark?

Nope.

15. Do you like pain killers?

Last time I had pain killers was... 10 years ago.

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Hell, yeah.

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Karuppu dosai, vengaya chutney. Those of you who aren't from tirunelveli don't know what you're missing.

19. Who was the last person you made mad?

Mother, I suppose. I don't make people mad.

20. Is anyone in love with you?

Nah, ain't the type men fancy themselves to be in love with.

I tag Eyefry.

2007-04-16T15:44:00.000-04:00

If this isn't reason enough for gun control, then what is?

2007-03-26T16:20:00.000-04:00

I'm changing the tag.

Five books I read recently:
The Lost Continent: Travels in Small Town America- Bill Bryson
After having lived in England for many years, Bill Bryson takes a road trip across America. His take on eighties America: hilarious, critical and affectionate.

Jeeves and the tie that binds-P.G.Wodehouse
I haven't really (ahem) read much Wodehouse. But fear not, I shall remedy this soon. And before you dismiss me as illiterate, know that I started with the wrong book (or so I'm told)- Eggs, Beans and Crumpets at age 12. I didn't really get it. And never bothered to pick up another Wodehouse until...now. No wait, I read a collection of Wooster/Jeeves short stories that was lying around at home some time last year. Ha, finally I know where my father got the "You look like something the cat brought in." from.

The Painted Word- Tom Wolfe
On Eye's recommendation. Best left to artists/ those who know lots about art. Wolfe does have a point, though.

Kitchen Confidential- Anthony Bourdain
Entertaining (and informative) account of how Bourdain managed to become a chef despite being high at most times on some illegal substance or the other.

No onions nor garlic- Srividya Natarajan
A tambrhahm herself, Natarajan makes merciless fun of her ilk. Gotta like it for that. Ought to have been about half its size, I think.

Five books I find unreadable:

One Hundred Years of Solitude- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
I've picked this one up twice and give up both times. It isn't as if I disliked it. I just... lost interest somewhere along the way.

Godel, Escher, Bach- Douglas Hofstadter
Full of mathematical concepts. 'Nuff said.

The Pickwick Papers- Charles Dickens
Too long.

Mansfield Park
Don't get me wrong, I love Jane Austen. But this one's as dull as its virtuous heroine.

A Farewell to Arms- Ernest Hemingway
Just don't like Hemingway

The Female Eunuch- Germaine Greer
Might've been revolutionary when first published, but I don't see what the fuss is all about. And Greer thinks women ought to taste their menstrual blood. Is she familiar with the concept of hygiene?

Now, Eyefry and Antickpix do this tag. Go on.

2007-03-26T00:09:00.000-04:00

Serendipitous discovery of the day: According to this Wikipedia article, Peengan (or Pinkan as they spell it) is derived from the Portuguese word palangana. But, BUT, google can find no such word in the Portugese language. Only the Spanish palangana which means 'basin' or 'wash-basin'. Since basins are made of ceramic, I can see how palangana could come to represent china/glassware. The Portuguese-Spanish conflict notwithstanding, seems a more convincing explanation than mine.

2007-03-19T11:31:00.000-04:00

This is silly I know, but just had to say it.

Found while reading this serious and high minded paper, a reference to an article written by a guy named... Wanker. (A last name to beat all last names except of course, Screwvala). Imagine having a serious discussion with him: "But Dr.Wanker", you'll say, trying very hard to keep a straight face and not dissolve into a schoolgirlish fit of giggles, "surely you do agree that there's more to Huntington pathology than impaired BDNF transport?" Such tension it would be.

Alright, alright enough juvenile behaviour. Back to serious and high minded reading now.

2007-03-15T01:23:00.000-04:00

This is old news now, but since we discussed the paper in class today, I might as well talk about it. Damage to a part of your brain known as the insula has an unexpected(but not unpleasant)consequence: if you are a smoker, you'll quit smoking. And with no trouble, no craving, and no relapse. As one man put it, after having suffered damage to his insula: "My body just forgot the urge to smoke." Neat. So now we know which part of the brain is involved in addiction to smoking (it's not known if the insula plays s role in other kinds of reward associated learning, including drug addiction).

No one has actually proven this experimentally- the study was entirely statistical(not that it isn't convincing). Maybe some one will try TMS- TMS or trans-cranial magnetic stimulation shoots a strong electromagnetic pulse to a small patch of brain tissue (of your choice), which is then stimulated. Some folks who've received TMS to their temporal lobes (the area of brain near your temples, hence the name) have 'experienced God' (this is rather controversial, though). Depending on the frequency of stimulation, TMS can also inhibit brain activity. If I were to apply TMS the part of your motor cortex (at the right frequency) that controls moving your right hand, you wouldn't be able to move it.

So here's what I'd like to see done- find a bunch of chain smokers- the kind that go through 2 packs of ciggies per day. Deprive them of smokes for, say, a few days. When they're dying for that nicotine fix, give them a cigarette, and at the same time zap their insula with TMS so as to inhibit it. If the study is right, the smokers should feel no urge to smoke. One moment the guy is dying to smoke, and the next moment he couldn't care less about the cigarette in his hand. That would be so cool if it worked!

I'm not sure if TMS can be applied to the insula (for technical reasons), though... And how to quantify a smoker's craving (and non-craving) for cigarettes? Maybe there's some physiological change that can be measured. Else, we'd have to take the smoker's word for it, and that wouldn't be the best way to go about things, would it?

This may be trivial, but had to say it (now that we're on the topic of science)- Germaine Greer seems to think that humans possess 48 chromosomes (we actually only have 46). She makes above assertion in the very first page of The Female Eunuch. What surprises me is that her editors haven't bothered to correct this- the 2001 edition (I checked on Amazon)has the same mistake. Makes me wonder how many other writers have got their facts wrong, and I've believed them blindly.

That probably got too serious for this blog, so as remedy, I leave you with the fainting goats, narcoleptic doggies and carnivorous cow...

2007-03-09T12:07:00.000-05:00

Update!(Scroll down)

The NY Times trashes 300.

" "300” is about as violent as “Apocalypto” and twice as stupid."

Ouch.

"Its digitally tricked-up color scheme, while impressive at times, is hard to tolerate for nearly two hours (true masochists can seek out the Imax version), and the hectic battle scenes would be much more exciting in the first person. I want to chop up some Persians too!"

Ha, I'll tell you Sunday night if the imax experience was an exercise in masochism or not.

Ok, so this spiel about honour, glory and duty, and Sparta being the world's 'one last hope for justice and freedom'- I don't get it. Nor do I get the glorification of Spartan culture (which is bizarre and scary) and Spartan heroism- tolerable enough in the graphic novel- the illustrations were pretty (although the dialogues were corny). In the movie version, sadly the visuals are not pretty enough to keep one distracted from the dialogues (that believe it or not, sound cornier than they do on print) and the bad acting. They shouldn't really have made 300 into a movie... The trailer is much better looking and more entertaining than the full-length film. Watch it instead.

I wouldn't go so far as calling the experience masochism, despite having watched it sitting in the third row from the imax screen. But, yes I agree with the NY Times on everything else.

Btw, the theatre was inside a huge furniture store! We had to walk past row upon row of couches and beds to get to the screen. Most surreal.

2007-03-02T01:10:00.000-05:00

Conversation between D (roomie) and A:

A: Male flies are more stupid than female flies.
D: Huh?
A: Yeah, of course- it's easier to kill them.
D (in disbelief): So every time you kill a fly you examine its genitals?
A (in all seriousness): Er, aren't male flies mosquitoes?
D: ...

A goes to Harvard Business school. He's going to work for McKenzie, with an annual salary of $150,000.

Now you know what it takes.

2007-02-28T00:38:00.000-05:00

Midnight snack of filter coffee and bhujia. Not a good combination. I think it'll keep me awake (which is the objective here) one way or other. Anyway this week's collected bits of idiocy:

We had a lecture on Schizophrenia the other day. Given its negative connotations, a certain do-gooding section of the society felt that calling Schizophrenia something else would be a bit of an image-cum-morale booster. And so some names were suggested. Notable among these are (really, I kid you not) 'My-mind-lies-to-me'(!) and Martyrdom(!!). Hah, morale boosting indeed.

Apparently (or at least if my neuropsychology prof is to be believed) people with tattoos can't go near an MRI machine- the metal in the ink gets attracted to the very powerful magnet in the MRI, and results in um, injury. Ouch.

In other news, James Cameron tries rather too late to cash in on the Da Vicni craze, but everyone laughs at him. American restaurants launch the concept of 'extreme eating',a.k.a 'angioplasta'. Each dish contains is quite literally a calorie bomb at 2,500 calories. Exactly what the doctor ordered.

Orkut's latest avatar: matrimonial website. No, really. Boy meets girl on Orkut. He in Kuwait, she in England. They become friends, profess undying love, vow marriage all presumably over scraps, and all without having met even once...

One year later. Cut to village in Kerala, girl is back home after obtaining MBA. Here (for lack of a more convenient option probably)she meets boy (also visiting family in nearby Kottayam) for the first time. FOR THE FIRST TIME. But, danger lurks. Unbenownst to them they are spied on by evil relative, who telephones parents of girl with the bad news. Girl forced to confess about boyfriend, and shock, horror! She be catholic, and he protestant! *Swoon*

Many tears, and much chest beating later, girl is confined to house arrest. Girl now chief traitor of the family values and syrian christian traditions that they have so valiantly upheld from the time they were proud, newly converted Namboodiri-Catholics. A thousand years of inbreeding down the drain. And the sheer bad taste- she fancies a lowly protestant! Some liberal relatives meet the boy and reject him. Brother of girl being rabid fundamental catholic hacks into her account and deletes all boy's emails to girl. Probably scraps too. Girl swears to family she won't have anything to do with boy anymore (a lie,but what else is she to do?). She is released from house arrest.

One month later. Family repents (thanks to boy's Mercedes and billions that did it) Girl's marriage to boy fixed. All's well that ends well. Joy, happiness, Yay, hurrah and all that.

This is a true story. They should make it into a movie. It has the romance and the drama, the wailing women (Yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti! Or the Mal equivalent thereof. Eye, would you be so kind as to provide the words?) and the vengeful brother, the villainous relative and all the right morals- love that is not physical, but spiritual, love that transcends boundaries geographical and religious. And family values, and tolerance etc etc etc.

[Disclaimer: I'm being evil, I shouldn't be sneering. I happen to know the girl in the story, and she's really nice. I've got nothing against people meeting on orkut and getting married afterwards (or not), although how practical it is to make that decision without meeting each other, I will refrain from commenting upon. But the family's reaction:(and these are really nice people, I've met them) to foam at the mouth over something as minor as catholicism/protestantism is imo, worthy of contempt. I mean, I would have even understood their alarm if the boy was hindu/muslim/parsee/mormon/whatever else.]

2007-02-23T22:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Person-who-has-borrowed-300-from-the-local-library,
Return it now, I say- one week is plenty of time to read it, you hog. Stop hoarding! I'd like to a)borrow this one and return what I've got in a single trip-I don't have a car, (probably) unlike you. b)finish reading it before March 9, when the movie releases. So be a good boy now, and get your ass down to the library at once!
Thanks,
Nina

Want to watch 300 on imax. The nearest theatre with imax is 10 miles away, and (predictably) inaccessible by public transport. But, but, but we think (we hope, we pray) that we may have found someone we can con into taking us. Please don't disappoint us, dudewithcar!

2007-02-21T23:29:00.000-05:00

In my inbox today:

"This month’s student Alumni discount includes professionally-fitted teeth whitening trays and dentist quality whitening gel. A generous quantity has been delivered to university affiliates at a significant discount. A whiter smile (free from coffee, cigarette and food stains) has been proven to be important for job interviews and first impressions. These teeth whitening systems are exactly the same as used by dentists across the country. Please visit the website below and use the unique gift code to receive your discount."

!

2007-02-20T23:48:00.000-05:00

There's something oddly comforting about drinking water out of a stainless steel (in a foreign country anyway) -or to use the correct technical term- eversilver tumbler. It's the right size, holding enough water to quench your thirst; just the right weight- as you lift it up to to your mouth...

My grandmother, like all Tamilian women of her generation adored eversilver (for its durability, I suppose), and filled her kitchen with it. She held in contempt everything fragile- china, glassware etc., all lumped together under the single category, and pronounced with snort of derision- Peengaan. The provenance of this term, I am not aware. My pet theory is that it might be a corruption of 'Bingham' (sitting bored in a boring lecture on fluid dynamics, until the professor said something about Bingham plastics, which sounded so much like Peengaan that I was jolted out of my state of semi-wakefulness. I believe that it is no coincidence that the prof in question grew up somewhere in Tirunelveli district). Slight problem: I haven't been able to find any association (however tenuous) between Bingham and glassware/china.

Steel tumblers also remind me of the days sweet taste of maN paanai- stored water. Man Paanais- now obsolete, long abandoned even in our Tirunelveli home. A real pity, that.

2007-02-17T23:46:00.000-05:00

ABCDEFGHIJ: American Born Confused Desi Exported From Gujarat (with) Hotel In Jersey

Heh.

2007-02-14T01:05:00.001-05:00

Astrologer to my mother:

Your daughter will be a scholar. She will then take on an administrative job that takes her to many, many countries.

Your son will be a great mathematician. He'll get into a business that involves water.

I'd really like to know what we both end up doing, that fits above predictions.

2007-02-09T21:43:00.000-05:00

Presenting... Lola Kutty and Boney M(enon)!

2007-02-09T01:58:00.000-05:00

Thoughts as they run through my head:

I hate, hate, HATE waiting for my code to finish running. Does anyone else feel this way? I'm bored, and can't access orkut while on blogger. Darn it. Which reminds me, does anyone know of a better alternative to bloody bloglines? It's swallowed some of feeds whole. Anna Nicole Smith is dead, cause unknown. OD? Suicide? Who cares. It suddenly occurred to me yesterday that maybe men probably don't write long rambling emails to each other. Do they even write emails to each other? When is this fucking program going to finish running? Don't tell me MATLAB's hung again. It hasn't. Back to the interminable wait then. It's 2.15 pm, and I've run out of things to think about. Hitting publish. Ooh it ran. I'm not sure if I'm happy with the result or not. Wise move, not taking computer science in school. May have ended up a software programmer. *Shudder*
Solution to orkut/blogger problem presents itself: use two different browsers. Elementary, my dear Watson.

2007-02-05T22:22:00.000-05:00

It's frickin' -20 C outside. I'm going to die of hypothermia one of these days.

Chocolate milk leaked over two brand new textbooks. Reading one of which, I discover that fourth semester Probability and Statistics has come back to torment me again. Dirac delta function (click on link at your own peril). Whatever the hell that is, hmph. Bad memories of a loathsome professor and of very nearly failing. Grr.

Just spent an hour disinfecting my bathroom. The closet clogged itself and overflowed yesterday. After much grief, we managed to get rid of the water.

And tomorrow I'll be blanker than ever in Computational Neuroscience class.

Dudes, life sucks.

Also, notice migration to new blogger, and new (non) title.

2007-02-05T00:35:00.000-05:00

Err, do you have to be male to appreciate Duck Soup? How is it even funny? Utterly bewildered. Kindly enlighten?

Oh, also watched Notes on a Scandal. Judi Dench is brilliant, as always. IMO, much better than Helen Mirren in The Queen.

2007-01-21T14:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, so no one likes Ennui :( How about arbit?

2007-01-13T01:32:00.000-05:00

I think I'm going to rename this blog 'Ennui', to reflect state of mind. I like idea, you?

2007-01-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

This morning's experiments have revealed that my ineptitude as regards the culinary arts is greater than previously suspected. For the first time in my life, I tried to use that useful invention, the pressure cooker.

In went the dal, the water, the turmeric, the lid shut and the heat turned on. With bated breath (for fear that cooker would explode in my face) I waited for the steam to escape, and with open mouth I watched the cooker spew instead, a foot high spout of turmeric-water. For three whole minutes. Have I ever mentioned that we use an electric stove? A pool of the cooker-emanate has now collected under the coil.

Diagnosis: More substance than my tiny cooker can handle. Ah. Worse things have happened. I know someone who blew a hole in his cooker. This may well happen to me of course, as I'm sure you're convinced. My mother, when she finds out, in all certainty bang her head against nearest wall, wondering how she (of all people), could've spawned this clumsy oaf.

2007-01-04T10:39:00.000-05:00

I'm still exhausted from interminably long flight back. Never, never, ever again fly US Airways. Or as a friend wisely added, any American airline if I can help it. US Airways has the most unhelpful staff, the fattest, most over-the-hill air-hostesses who beat the ones in Indian Airlines in rudeness. And if transiting through Frankfurt, do it via Lufthansa. That way, won't have to go through security check, or be relegated to some god-forsaken corner of the airport where even the airline staff don't like to go.

It's 6 deg C outside. Which for January is not bad at all, but it still means that I have to get into layers and layers of clothing before I step outside. The fact that it's probably 25 deg C in Madras doesn't help.

No campus shuttles till the undergrads return on the 18th. No cafeteria either. How am I to buy grocery, return my books to the library and eat lunch? Fucking undergrads.

It's awful to be back. And er, yes, happy new year.

*Proliferate Procrastination (Old Grad School Saying)

2006-12-13T02:47:00.001-05:00

Instead of working on the term paper that was due two days ago, and which I MUST finish before I leave for Madras tomorrow morning (Yaay!), I have for the past 7 hours:

-Obsessively read the Dilbert blog, which for your procrastinating pleasure, I highly recommend.
-Sat around and had a long, long conversation with roommate. Oh wait, this I do everyday. Very effective device of procrastination.
-Checked bloglines every 2 seconds, and email every 5 seconds.
-I'm blogging now.

In my defense, I read one very complicated and very interesting paper on the modulating effects of dopamine on hippocampal LTP and memory encoding via the VTA (Ventral Tegmental Area) loop. Which is jargon for: more dopamine, better memory. The dopamine system also happens to be where the brain's pleasure pathways lie. Groovy bit of science-trivia for the day: if you were to implant electrodes in a rat's pleasure centres, and wired the electrodes in such a way that every time the rat pressed a lever, the electrodes pass a tiny current that stimulates the pleasure centres, the rat will keep pressing the lever over, and over, and over again until it dies. Of thirst and starvation. Literally. Stimulating your dopamine pathway feels that good. Apparently it's even better than sex. So, is it any surprise that these same pathways are hijacked by a variety of drugs (meth, coke and opium for example)? The rat experiment is supposed to be a model for drug addiction, by the way.

Ok, back to work now. Also room needs cleaning, and bag needs packing. Yes, one bag is all I'm carrying. Lightest international traveller in the history of mankind. They ought to give me an award.

Is anyone else annoyed by blogger's (and gmail's) new habit of underlining words it doesn't know with squiggly red lines? As if it wasn't bad enough that Word does it. Aaargh.

*See here.

Life in these United States #2

2006-11-16T19:12:00.000-05:00

I can see why Indian grocery store in this country would stock (apart from rice, dals and spices) Britannia cream busicuits. Or Haldiram's goodies or Maaza or Maggi noodles. Or any of the abundant assortment of snacky things available only in the mother country. Even Vicco toothpowder and Neem toothpaste I'll let pass. But Fair and Lovely and Bigen Hair dye?? Food is one thing- all the aforementioned comestibles are far tastier than anything you get here. Now how insular do you have to be, to think there's no better face cream than fair and lovely (come on, isn't the American sun, or the lack of it, making you pale enough already? Not that I think fair and lovely works), that you will not dream of using the gazillion products available here, and must import from India? And we call the Americans inward looking. Ha!

Note to self: Must further explore Indian grocery store- who knows what treasures (and topics for blogging) the activity may yield?

But seriously, what is up with the food in this country? You should see the supermarkets here- huge, sprawling monstrosities (like everything else here), and to negotiate one successfully, you would have to eat a meal exclusively for that purpose. Really. They're filled with such junk, though. Why are nine-tenths of these products even on the shelves? Because, ha ha ha, look at us, we're so great- capitalist economy, consumer paradise, our standard of living is so high, we have a hundred different types of breakfast cereal? I mean, Dudes, quantity is like, totally not equal to quality, y'know?

Food here is either sweet, salty or sour. Vegetables, fruits, chocolate- at best bland, insipid, tasteless, uninspiring, and at worst, synthetic. Whatever happened to flavour, aroma...? Ah, but then America understands not such subtlety. It is no wonder that America has been described as 'the land of no smell'. Have you ever eaten grape-flavoured, er, I don't know, Magic Pops, or hard boiled candy of some sort, and wondered why it tastes strange and most un-grapelike? I've discovered the answer to that mystery- it's because the grapes in this country taste like that. Aha.

But life's not all bad. Bought yesterday while waiting for shuttle- second hand, and for a dollar apiece- Ananda Coomaraswamy's The Dance of Shiva, and Evelyn Waugh's Put Out More Flags. Also acquired Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago for (hold your breath) 25 cents! But that was a long time ago, at the library sale. I haven't talked about the library here, have I? It's brilliant! I've found every book I looked for, if not in the local library, then in one of the other branches part of the Massachusetts library network, from where any book you fancy will be sent to your own local branch for you to pick up. Also available: Lots of music and movies. Cool, huh?

Have I ranted about the public transport yet? No? Another post, then.

2006-11-13T13:48:00.000-05:00

Miserable bloody weather, one midterm exam and no heating for the rest of the week. Sniff. Sympathy?

Life in these United States #1

2006-09-11T01:52:00.000-04:00

Perks of going to a Jewish University- You find out how (some) Jewish boys get their skull caps to sit on their heads. By Securing them with hairclips. How embarrassing -for them.

Conversation between two undergrads, overheard-
"It's like, set in, like during the Civil War. It's about this soldier, and like, reincarnation. He gets like, reborn into his own body..And now, I believe he's going to Mars. I love it! So cool and so like, sci-fi. "Surreal. And I haven't the slightest clue as to what 'it' is. Probably a story that the girl's boyfriend wrote...

Learned from experience- Steam coming out from your bathroom can set off fire alarm. Be careful when you take a hot shower.

Cost of printing one page of paper in the library- 10 cents. Time you're allowed to keep a book you've borrowed from same library- rest of the year. Do you find this strange too, this dichotomy?

What do people eat in this country, other than junk food?? And why do they add Vitamin C to milk, and Vitamin D and Calcium to orange juice?

Why do women here remove the hair on their legs and not on their arms?

Why do they still measure in FPS here, instead of using the metric system which is about a hundred times easier and more elegant? Miles, feet, pounds, gallons, and Farenheit! Bah!

And why, oh why, toilet paper? How, in heaven's name is it more hygienic than water?

America is a strange place.

2006-09-03T20:42:00.000-04:00

Uncyclopedia- my new favourite website. Up there with the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Onion. Check out this, this and this.

Oh, and hello from Massachusetts- The Spirit of America. For a complete list of license plate slogans, see here. My favourites-

Idaho- Famous Potatoes (!)
Pennsylvania- You have a friend in Pennsylvania
New Hampshire- Live Free or Die

One last bit of absurdity for the day- Found, while looking for a nail clipper at the CVS pharmacy here, the Bikini Design kit. The blurb for which goes, "Remove hair... from down there. Surprise that special someone, or indulge the deviant in you. Comes in four naughty shapes- rectangle, heart, triangle and lightning bolt. Instructions inside."
I nearly died laughing.

2006-08-20T03:05:00.000-04:00

Dei Vijaykanth..nee ellam dravidana? barber karunanidhi kallile vilundhayame? yean? unakku vetkam illai?? Avan rendu pondattikaran...piravi...ambattan..avan kalule nee July 21 aam thedhi viludhaya?..nee oru kedu kettavan..unnai adiyoda thoalikkanum..illenna..neeyum JJ ..MK madhiri..thamizh nattai kuttichavaraga matriduvai!!!

Heh.

Go sign Vijayakant's guestbook.

2006-07-18T03:02:00.000-04:00

Wish me luck, I present myself at the US embassy for visa interview today. Oh, but you can't read this, can you, what with the ban? Psst... Try Shysurfer and pkblogs. Or a feed reader like bloglines.

Regular posting will resume soon. This blog shall prevail, ban or no ban. I hope.

Spam

2006-06-23T16:24:00.000-04:00

Subj: Hi, neural lamina

terrible uncontrolled disaster, and at ninety miles per hour it hit him
apart, either.
Jonathan Seagull spent the rest of his days alone, but he flew way
cultures. On the commission my colleagues and I represent the inter national
"Each of us is in truth an idea of the Great Gull, an unlimited idea
Knuckles had told Slimy: stay as far away from the ditches as you can, jerk,

like dynamite. Jonathan Seagull exploded in midair and smashed down into a
actually, what else could he take me for? A stalker is a stalker. The more

WTF?

Casa Picola

2006-06-13T12:37:00.000-04:00

We dined al fresco, right under speakers blaring bad music. Not a good beginning...

Don't believe them when they say that the pasta salad contains olives. It actually contains half an olive. And you don't even get the pleasure of eating that half whole(!). They had to go and cut into fine pieces... For prettifying purposes, of course.

Sun-dried tomato pasta- a most misleading dish, that. There were no sun-dried tomatoes in it. And it was sweet. A Bangalore thing, perhaps? This unwarranted sweetening of dishes... But not bad, really.

Assorted casserole. Or some such. What a waste of capsicum, mushrooms, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes and creamy oriental sauce (whatever that is). Sigh. The garlic bread was worth it though.

The caramel custard had the texture of coagulated, um, caramel custard; with a hint of basil. Very strange.

I wish the food was as fancy as the decor. Fancy for Casa's standards, that is.

Batata Vada!

2006-05-24T12:19:00.000-04:00

Imagine this- I walk in home (after dinner and live roadside performance of Eef you come today by Eyefry and Antickpix) and find my brother giggling hysterically. At Madhuri Dixit and Anil Kapoor flying around and singing to each other. In Mallu attire. Her saree has a blue border, which makes her look like a nurse. Bollywood's stab at realism, eh? And what are they singing to each other (in the voices of S.P. Balasubramaniam and Asha Bhonsle)? Batata Vadaa...

Ok now, getting mental picture? Now listen to the song to set the mood... Listening? Good. By now our airborne lovebirds are holding hands. And he's shoving a Batata Vada into her mouth... Yes, mid-air.

Scene change, Costume change! Tacky sets, lots of dry ice, large Batata Vadaas in the background. He's now a tam brahm complete in a veshti, angavastram and kudumi, playing the mridangam, while she's in a madisaar and doing Bharatnatyam moves to, well, Batata Vadaaaa...

And before you can get over that, they're suddenly transformed into fisherfolk pretending to row a boat with a huge Batata Vada in the middle. He's wearing one of those triangular knee length lungi-type things, showing off his hairy legs to best advantage. And she, the bum divider saree...

You have to see it to believe it.

p.s. The song's from the movie Hifazat. And the above song featured in a program called Anmol Ratan on Channel [V]. Can't think of a more appropriate title...
p.p.s. Can't find it on you tube/ google video. Does anyone know where else I can find it? I think this has the potential to rival the cult status of Eef you come today... Hey, which reminds me, have y'all seen the new Rajkumar video? Presenting (drumroll please) Love Me or Hate Me (Younger Brother of Eef you come today) ...

2006-05-18T10:19:00.000-04:00

Do not, I implore you, patronise Le Club, the 'French' restaurant on Khader Nawaz Khan Road.

Unless you want to be the only one(s) eating there.

Unless you want to eat Paneer Butter Masala. Or Satays. Their French selection is rather limited, y'see.

Unless you want a ghastly green light shining in your face. Or a ghastly red light. Or a ghastly blue light. Depends on where you're sitting.

Unless you want to eat Mushroom Crepes that taste like Mushroom Spring-rolls.

The kitschy menu and setting, I suppose, are deliberate. Doesn't work, sadly. We were forced to hotfoot it to the Subway outlet just across the road. Which fortunately sells delicious Gelato. I very highly recmommend the double scoop of After Eight and Chocolate flavours. Not an entirely wasted evening. But we were going to eat the Gelato anyway.

Completely unrelated: Casa Picola is to open soon on KNK road. Hopefully that'll live up to expectations.

Drama

2006-05-17T06:27:00.000-04:00

My watch gets stolen. The thief found, and roughed up a little. Who then dutifully pisses out of fear. Never seen a grown man do that before...

In Which

2006-05-14T03:35:00.000-04:00

I sneer at everyone who takes The Da Vinci Code seriously.

Since I've been sneered at for not (Loser! How could you? Sacrilege! etc.)... Also because I happen to be literate.

But really, don't you think the surest sign of a book's mediocrity lies in its extreme success?

2006-05-10T06:53:00.000-04:00

From Gore Vidal's very interesting essay, Who Makes the Movies?*

... "In the Fifties when I came to MGM as a contract writer and took my place at the Writer's table in the commissary, the Wise Hack used to tell us newcomers, 'The director is the brother-in-law.' Apparently the ambitious man became a producer (that's where the power was). The talented man became a writer (that's where the creation was). The pretty man became a star."...

... "As the French theorists made their way across the Atlantic, bemused brothers-in-law found themselves being courted by odd-looking French youths with tape recorders. Details of long-forgotten Westerns were recalled and explicated. Every halting word from the auteur's lips were taken down and reverently examined. The despised brothers-in-law of the Thirties were now Artists."...

Hmm...

... "I thought of a solution, which I delivered into Wyler's good ear. 'As boys they were lovers, now Messala wants to continue the affair. Ben-Hur rejects him. Messala is furious. Chagrin d'amour, the classic motivation for murder.

Wyler looked at me like I'd gone mad. 'But we can't do that! I mean this is Ben-Hur! My God...'

'We won't really do it. We just suggest it. I'll write the scenes so that they will make sense to those who are tuned in. Those who are will still feel that Messala's rage is somehow emotionally logical.'

I don't think Wyler particularly like my solution but he agreed that 'anything is better than what we've got. So let's try it.' "...

What?! Charlton Heston played a gay character?
Must watch Ben-Hur again...

* First published in the New York Review of Books, November 25, 1976. Again in the collection titled Pink Triangle & Yellow Star and other essays 1976-1982.

2006-05-08T01:08:00.000-04:00

Caught up with some old friends yesterday...

K, B and I watched Basic Instinct 2 (Bad. Avoid.), and then went out for dinner. A, I met on Orkut, and we spoke after about 4 years.

Found out that K has a girlfriend who he's 'committed' to- that probably means he'll marry her. And said things like 'There's no such thing as love, da. I'm talking from Experience!". B nodded sagely. Also from Experience, I suppose.

Over Sczechuan noodle dosa (don't ask), B told me about his plans- knows exactly what he wants, and how he'll go about getting what he wants. Lots of money, wife, two kids, house(s), car(s), dog.

A is about to patent new technology that he thinks will revolutionise the tech industry. Oh, did I mention that he's also doing his MBA at IIMB? Asked me where I see myself 15 years from now. Ouch.

Freaks me out, this kind of plannedness.

2006-05-07T14:29:00.001-04:00

Yet another MSM mention. Outlook magazine this time.

Striking similarities between a film review by a senior journalist with the Times of India and a review of the same film by a Chicago Sun Times reviewer hit blogosphere first. So did similar charges about The Hindu's film reviewer. Both reviewers continue to review, and if any actions were taken by their employers, they are not in the public domain.

I know, I know, barely there. But I insist on taking credit! :P

2006-05-03T01:55:00.000-04:00

Have been reading R.K. Laxman's Idle Hours. Excerpts-

Holiday in The Islands

There are 350 odd islands in this area. Their very names are fascinating to hear: they have a ring of romance and mystery about them, as if the names had been given to them by a fiction writer of a very popular variety: The Labyrinth, Snake, Theresa, Sir Hugh Ross, Harriet, etc. Mercifully they are still out of the reach of our name-changers over here. But for how long? I wonder. Already there is a move to name these islands after one of the ubiquitous freedom-fighters.

Not much has changed in the 20 odd years since this was written, eh?

After a long wait I ask the Inspector, 'Have you ever seen a Jarva here?' dropping my voice apparently low in deference to the general atmosphere.
They attacked this outpost only last month. They came up to the edge of the ladder here. Our men here fired and they took to their heels.'
'Did you kill any?' I ask.
He looks at me in horror. 'Certainly not! We have strict orders not to shoot to kill or hurt, but only to scare them away.'
My attention is diverted suddenly. I see some movement far away. At once we turn our binoculars and stare till our eyes pop-out. It is some time before we discover it is only a spotted deer teaching its young one the trick of vaulting over a bush. It is time for us to return. And not one Jarva seen.

Substitute Jarva with say, tiger. Or lion, or any other wild animal you can think of.

Impressions of Kathmandu

Foreign tourists are flocking into the antique shops. I hear an European lady ask one of the shopkeepers, 'This is Buddha. Yes?' I look at he foot-high bronze image she is pointing to in the showcase. It is the goddess Tara sitting in the classical pose on a lotus, stripped to the waist.

...

'Do you like Nepal?' asks one of my countrymen.
'Yes very much.' I reply.
'Been to casinoes and night clubs?'
'No, I have no time for them.'
'No time? Then what do you do in a place like this?'

Has to be a Punjabi, what?

Idle Hours in the USA

He (a hippie) further declared that if an electric iron or a blender or any electric appliance went out of order he never threw it away; he repaired it himself and used it again. Finally he said, 'Even my car I haven't changed even though it is nearly five years old...' and proudly thumped his chest; the bells jingled and the glass beads tinkled. I sat dumbfounded and amazed at the effort one has to put in in that country to remain poor!

... If the hippie I met in the park did not watch out, prosperity would sweep him off and he would end up as the vice-president of some industry or other and live for ever suffering from affluence.

I was astonished at this young boy's sense of duty and helpful nature. I expressed my admiration and complimented the father. My friend laughed and said, 'Sure Jim is helpful; but he is paid to do all this around the house, like tonight. He is a smart guy, though! He has made such a lot of money he has invested it all in stocks! If I don't watch out maybe he will buy up my company one day!'

Heh.

2006-05-01T01:26:00.000-04:00

Will Mistress of Spices be so bad as to being worth a watch? The dialogues sound promising enough (eg. I have to help him, spices! He's hurt.) Hmm...

A System Error has Occured

2006-04-27T01:28:00.000-04:00

Why doesn't that fucking website just accept my payment?

I'd like some sympathy. Please?

Every Dog has its Day

2006-04-25T01:21:00.000-04:00

Here's how:

Persuade your mother to go back to academics- don't listen to her protests, fill up her form yourself, stick her picture and send it. And then

You wonder if she needs to have her eyes checked-will she be able to see the board without glasses?

Tell her that she absolutely needs to know computers for the course, and try to teach her to click and double-click. And when she doesn't show enthusiasm, pretend to be annoyed at her excuses (which are hilarious).

Insist that she carries a note-book, pens and other assorted stationery.

Drop her off at class.

Tell her not to fall asleep.

Go pick her up from class.

Demand whether she took notes, and then demand to see them.

Ask her what they taught her in class today.

Tell her 'Enough goofing, now go and study'.

Watch her do homework! Tell her yes, she absolutely must read all the 150 pages she's been asked to.

Go to bed when she's doing the homework.

Explain to her what a standard normal distribution is, and while you're at it, spout complicated mathematical formulae, and freak her out. And when she sniffily tells you that yes, she has heard of standard deviation is, having studied Stats in college, you ask her how they passed her if she doesn't know what a standard normal curve is.

Say profound things like 'Welcome to the real world'.

Wait for the tests to begin.

Relax the entire week she has contact classes- it's your good fortune that they're in Bangalore.

Yes, that's what I'm doing right now.

And yes, I also know that I'm mean.

2006-04-24T03:14:00.000-04:00

Hahaha

2006-04-23T03:16:00.000-04:00

Series of SMSes exchanged between GM & me yesterday-

GM: Cab feed high k noon s tut x
Me: What?
GM: Yup..You have to guess what it is!
Me: Wtf??
GM: Want a blue, I mean clue?
Me: silence
GM: The last sms was a clue
Me: Ok, you have officially lost it.
GM: Ha so you give up so soon?
Me: Yeah yeah
GM:Cmon you can do it!
Me: No!
GM: Give up? Damn shame!
Me: Yeah, man
GM: Just out of college and those little grey cells are already dying out, eh?
Me: You cook up some nonsense and expect me to make sense out of it?
GM: Exactly what someone said to Einstein.
Me: Aaaargh why did I ever tell you about dictionary?

The sheer pointlessness of it- you pity me don't you?
If you want to know what the sms that started it all is all about, each word is the longest that can be created by pressing a single key. Stare at your keypads for a while, all will make sense.

And can you guess how old GM is??

2006-04-21T09:24:00.000-04:00

Found this while cleaning up my computer... We didn't publish this in our department magazine. Stupid. Should've.

OUR ANTHEM
(With profound apologies to Vikram Seth*)

The fact is, this work is as dreary as shit.
I do not like it a bit.
While at it I wander off into a dream.
When I return, I scream.

The boredom pulps my brain
And there is nothing at the day’s end to help assuage the pain.
I am alone, as I have usually been
The lawn is green.

Night after night
I turn off the tube light, the table light,
The weight lodged into my spirit will not go
For years, I know.

There is so much to do
There isn’t any time for feeling blue.
There isn’t any point in feeling sad.
Things could be worse. Right now they’re only bad.

* The original has two additional stanzas. It can be found in Seth's Collected Poems.

2006-04-21T09:21:00.000-04:00

Apparently it does not. Now?

2006-04-21T09:10:00.000-04:00

I've been told that my blog doesn't load properly on some browsers. Let's hope this takes care of the problem...

2006-04-21T08:25:00.000-04:00

So Karla has a face...

2006-04-13T09:00:00.000-04:00

This came by email, from my friend T:

"guys...i found this cream among my labmate's cosmetic possessions tht
she keeps in the lab. it comes in a jersey cow-black-patched
container. its called "udderly smooth- udder cream"...a protective
coating, useful as an aid for keeping skin soft n supple.
directions for use: wash udder and teat parts thoroughly with clean
water and soap before each milking to avoid contamination of milk. use
clean individual towels for this pupose. apply to the udder after each
milking, massaging into the skin. for teat cracks apply in sufficient
quantity to fill crack and cover surrounding area. apply uniformly to
chafed area and bruises to maintain skin suppleness.
for aid in softening swollen udders following calving. apply liberally
twice daily with gentle massage."

America is a truly strange country.

Update

2006-04-12T02:10:00.000-04:00

Lastest reply to the Nigerian scammers. All credit to eyefry, again. Translastion below-

Самый дорогой Anna, Я нахожусь теперь в Abuja. Успешно увиливающ таможни авиапорта (я приносил вам половину килограмм кокаина и 3 пакетов марихуаны как token подарок захвата - понадейтесь вы и ваша семья насладится им!), Я обнаружил местонахождение местную главу Dispepsiana Narcoleptia и зарегистрировал как международный член. Я в настоящее время residing на их чудесном, albeit после того как 4$ет-роачю-инфестед, дом гостя в Ogbomosho. Завтра я буду вплоть riding до Maiduguri для того чтобы встретить некоторых друзей ехпортируют дешевые домодельные firearms к южной америке. Я приду получить вас как только моя работа будет сделана. Мир и влюбленность, Jorge. влюбленность p.s. изображение. Ваш нос приносит из ваших глаз.

"Dearest Anna,

I am now in Abuja. Having successfully eluded the airport customs (I've brought you half a kilogram of heroin and 3 packets of marijuana as a token engagement gift - hope you and your family will enjoy it!), I located the local chapter of Dispepsiana Narcoleptia and registered myself as an overseas member. I am currently residing at their wonderful, albeit roach-infested, guest house in Ogbomosho. Tomorrow I'm riding down to Maiduguri to meet with some friends who export cheap home-made firearms to South America. I will come and get you as soon as my work is done.

Peace and love,

Jorge.

p.s. love the picture. Your nose brings out your eyes."

NYC

2006-04-11T05:06:00.000-04:00

A random, disjointed, non-chronological account of my three days there-

How many different forms of precipitation can fall on your head along the course of a single day? Four- rain, snow, hail and sleet, as I found out while trying to explore the environs of 42nd street and Times Square. And to think I chose the previous sunny and wholly precipitation-free day to spend inside the Met. Grr. One never appreciates the importance of weather forecasts when one has only lived in places where the three seasons are hot, hotter and hottest.

Ah, the Met. While it didn't make me completely ecstatic like the Louvre did, there were a few thrills of pleasure here and there-

Monet's exquisite Rouen Cathedral- there's a whole series that he did of Rouen Cathedral, and the only one that hangs in the Met shows the Cathedral bathed in mid-day sunlight. Gorgeousness and gorgeosity.
Edvard Munch's The Vampire.
The medieval section- especially the absolutely magnificent choir screen or Reja that serves as its entrance. About 50 feet high, it was brought from Valladolid Cathderal in Spain. Awe-inspiring.
A completely unexpected portrait- that of M. & Mme. Lavoisier! Apparently Madame was an artist, and also helped him write his papers. Oh, and you know that he was executed during the French Revolution?
All the Rembrandt and Caravaggio paintings- although IMHO, the Louvre collection is better.
The collection of Sevres pottery- over the top, but brilliant nevertheless.

Poster of Munch's The Scream was bought. Has been framed and awaits hanging in my room.

A (v. good friend and classmate who I stayed with) and I caught The Producers on Broadway. Good fun, thought the performances could've been much better. Monty Python and The Holy Grail was also on, but didn't get tickets for that, unfortunately. Wandered around Times Square, which looks exactly like it does on TV.

Went to Union Square, and spent quite possibly the most bizarre day (and in some ways, most fun) of my life there. Chanced upon a farmer's market(!) where I bought organic red-pepper and olive cheddar cheese. A man was standing in one corner and denouncing W and his cronies, he saw me grinning at his rant and beckoned me over. Turned out that the guy was from the LaRouche Political Action Group and tried to get me to donate some money, which I slimed out of doing. Still, he gave me some pamphlets (one of them was titled 'Children of Satan IV') which I've kept as a souvenir :)

Went (yet again-rendering useless previous day's walk from 42nd street to visit the one at Times Square in the freezing cold ) into Virgin Megastore- and found Vampire in Pakistan. Bought 8 1/2, Dr.Strangelove, Monty Python and The Meaning of Life, Pulp fiction and the entire Pink Panther series. Got lost trying to locate the Strand Bookstore (yes, getting lost in Manhattan is quite a feat- streets and avenues are numbered), but that turned out to be a good thing- saw quite a few interesting things along the way. Like this second hand bookshop which specialised in books on history and music. Eclectic. And also what was perhaps the highlight of the day- I think it deserves a paragraph to itself.

The 'New York Costumes' store- established to satisfy costume needs of your entire family and pet(s). Superman kitty? Or Princess Leia poochie? Darth Vader doggie, perhaps? And for the ladies- Goth fairy(!) and every other fairy you can think of, Nurse Feelbetter, French Maid (in about 137 different styles), Lydia the Tattoo Lady (my favourite), Belly Dancer, Witch (in 177 different styles)... For the gentlemen- Pirate costume, and er, that's all I can remember, sorry! Grotesque masks of all sorts, light sabres, fake blood, fake casts, fake wounds, Frankenstein and anythig else you could possibly think of. I have an especial talent for spotting bizarre things, wouldn't you agree?

Ate Ethiopian food- whatever I had looked (and even tasted a little) like a dosa! Wandered around Grand Central for an aimless couple of hours. Finished bulk of my shopping (Godiva chocolates) there, rather unexpectedly. They have a fancy food market there that sells, among other things, gourmet cheese. Hang on, this is supposed to be a railway station?

Took a cable car (only it's called a tram there) ride to Roosevelt Island to have dinner with grandmother's cousin, and her husband who works for the UN. Was astounded at what she served true to Kerala heritage, for dessert- nendram pazham appams (as opposed to Aappams that one eats for breakfast) with coconut ice-cream. Apparently said pazhams grow in the Caribbean! And here I was thinking that they're virtually unknown outside of God's own country...

The New York Public Library was visited. As was Ground Zero, Wall Street (I saw The Bull), Washington Square and the Village. Didn't go to the Empire State or the Statue of Liberty. Chrysler building was seen from a distance, Macy's from the taxi (I hate shopping) on the way to Penn Station- from where I caught the train back to Pittsburgh, bringing my trip to an (unwelcome) end.

2006-04-08T08:11:00.000-04:00

Update: Someone came here looking for 'kicked him you-know-where' blog! To clarify, I've never kicked anyone anywhere. Google searches never fail to astonish me...

Those of you who came here looking for 'ftv nina', and that's quite a sizeable number of you, go away! Shoo! And don't come back! I don't have anything to do with Ftv, and won't ever. So there. I hope I've made myself clear?

And those among you who searched for 'Anna University rules/dresscode/cell phones' or some combination thereof, and landeg here, I hope you got the information you needed. If not, write to me-will be more than happy to share with you what (little) I know.

Finally, those who wanted 'Eef you come today/Raj Kumar/tick tick tick' or some combination thereof, the video is here. Thanks, DK, whoever you are for directing me to this. Am very, very sorry for not thanking you before, but I was occupied by other things- I really do have a valid excuse (for a change). Anyway, owe you one :) Eef you come today has gone mainstream, did you know? My brother saw it on Channel V the other day. And I missed it-me who introduced it to him... Oh, the injustice of it!

From Nigeria, With Love

2006-04-03T11:50:00.000-04:00

Ooh, today must be my lucky day- the winners of the 2005 IgNobel award for Literature have written to me, inviting me to participate in their little scam, er, scheme...

From Kennedy Songo
Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire
Email: kensongo2@yahoo.com

Dearest one,

I will be very glad to hear from you. I am Kennedy Songo the son of late Mr. Victor Songo

My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan; the economic capital of Ivory Coast, my father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip.

My mother died when I was a baby and since then my father took me so special. Before the death of my father on November in a private hospital here in Abidjan he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of Seven million five hundred thousand United State Dollars. ($7,500,000) left in one of the prime bank in Abidjan he used my name as his only son for the next of Kin in depositing of the money.

He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates. That I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose such as real estate management or hotel management Sir, I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

1) To assist me claim out the money in the bank where my late father deposited the money.

2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since am still young and has no experience.

3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country.

Moreover, sir I am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/ you indicate your option towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within fourteen (14) days if you signify your interest to assist me. Anticipating to hearing from you soon. I am happy to have somebody like you as a guardian.
Please reply me directly to this email address: kensongo2@yahoo.com

Thanks and God bless.
Best regards,

Kennedy Songo

The favourite target of these Nigerian scamsters are Americans, it seems. Yes, they actually fall for this. Which doesn't come as a surprise, really. Read somewhere (can't provide the link, sorry, it's expired- that should teach me to save full text of interesting articles) that the Nigerian government has teamed up with Microsoft to clamp down on these guys...

2006-04-03T08:49:00.000-04:00

You are absolutely and utterly alone in this world. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded. And a fool.

Vampyr in Pakistan

2006-03-28T07:25:00.000-05:00

Spotted this in the Indian movies section of Virgin Megastore's Union Square outlet, sitting innocently next to Asoka, Hum Tum and a couple of other Bollywood monstrosities.

And the blurb, that I attempted to memorise while trying very, very hard not to die laughing. As much of it as I can remember-
"In the 6o's even Pakistan was swinging.
Zinda Laash-The Living Corpse, Pakistan's first ever Dracula movie, and the only one ever to be X-rated. When first released, it created such a controversy that it was banned by the censors (IMDb, however informs me that it was almost banned).
It also features the infamous baby stealing sequence (eh?)."

Sadly, tragically, I did not buy it. Cost $20, and with the exchange rate being what it is... But, but, there is hope yet. Someone I know is (hopefully) going to Pakistan in November. Maybe he can find me a nice bootleg copy, eh? GM, if you're reading this, you know what I want from Lahore!

p.s. Oooh, it appears that Zinda Laash is more famous than I thought. It got written about in Sepia Mutiny.

Help!

2006-01-26T08:05:00.000-05:00

I need to travel to the US for an interview - airfare, board and lodging all covered. Predictably enough, the visa is proving to be a problem. Actually am not even sure what visa I should apply for. I thought B1/B2 until someone told me I wouldn't be eligible- I don't work, and therefore I don't have an income etc. Oh, and dates aren't available, so will have to apply via the emergency quota. Which again is mired in problems- don't know if my case will be considered an emergency or not (I know of one person who was refused an appointment). Has any of you been in a similar situation/ know of someone who's been in a similar situation and got their visa? Any info on the matter would be very, very gratefully recieved. Write to me at duffilled@gmail.com, or simply leave comments. Thanks!

2006-01-19T13:17:00.000-05:00

Students of Anna University have filed a petition to the President A.P.J. Abdul Kalam after the Vice Chancellor defended the silly dress code, and the cell phone ban that he imposed a few months ago by saying that the students 'welcomed' it. I don't know if this will change anything, but I'm very impressed that they haven't let this go without putting up a fight. Anna students have displayed far more spunk and initiative than I'd ever imagined them capable of (I should know, I went there- most were completely spineless). Very, very heartening to see. Much power to them.

And if you're curious about the dress code, here's a sampler...
1. No student shall wear jeans to college.
2. No student shall wear t-shirts to college.
3. Girls may only wear salwars-kameez with dupatta or sarees.
4. No student may wear the following colours: white because it's "transparent"; green, pink, orange and red because they "distract the faculty"; black because it's a "depressing colour", and "hampers the "educational process".
Oh, and other regulations imposed by the VC include:
no cell phones on campus; no cultural event that takes place in Anna University can involve dancing, and no film music; and last but not the least, boys and girls are to sit in separate rows; no more than three people can stand together as a group; and no group of students may contain a member of the opposite sex. I swear I haven't made any of this up (however bizzarre or ridiculous some of the rules may sound).

As a student put it, 'The male ego is being fed. When a security guard stops and asks you where is your dupatta, you feel so violated. All your rights have been taken away". And I'm glad something is being done to puncture said ego.

Eef You Come Today

2006-01-14T01:11:00.000-05:00

Finally, finally, finally! Yay, yay, yay! Saw the video of 'If You Come Today'. Grooooovy!! Now I can't stop watching it :D Hail Rajkumar!
The first half of the video can be found here. I would be very, very, very grateful to anyone who could send me the entire video. Pleeeease.
The song is here. And if you have an Airtel or BPL phone, you can download the ringtone from here.

And now I leave you with the lyrics:

Eef you come today | it's too early
Eef you come tomarrow | it's too late
Eef you come today | it's too early.
Eef you come tomaarrow | it's too late.
You pick the taaaaaaime
tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick tick | daaaawwrleeng |

Eef you come today...

Paaa Paaa...

Did you say morning | no, no it's not good
Did you say evening | no, no it's too bad
Did you say noon | no, no it's not the time
Whaat did you say? | hey, whaat did you say| nothing? oh it's all right
You pick the taaaaaime | tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick | daaaawwrleeng

Eef you come today...

tutututu tu tu tu tu| tu tu tu tu

Million times beating my heart
Million dreams haunt my heart
Million desires spring in my heart
Million memories squeeze my heart
You pick the taaaaaime | tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick |

Eef you come today|it's too early
Eef you come tomarrow| it's too late
You pick the taaaaaaime
tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick tick | daaaawwrleeng |

2006-01-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

"I don't want the first case of our Reader's Editor, K.Narayanan to be one that investigates charges of plagiarism from The Guardian- we've taken all the necessary permission from them." said N.Ram, just before the interactive session with the speakers- Alan Rusbridger and Ian Mayes of the Guardian was about to begin.
Subtle hint not to ask about this, Mr.Ram?

K.Narayanan only takes up his post on March 1st. And how independent an ombudsman he will be, I don't know. He's been with the Hindu since 1955.

What Not to do in Singapore

2006-01-12T10:12:00.000-05:00

Sentosa Island
Went there in '99, but not during this trip. Now, what did we do in Sentosa? Oh, right, there was that cable car ride. Which may have been good if I hadn't been fighting the urge to jump off (does this happen to anyone else?) And that underwater aquarium- which looks like plastic, and no, not half so pretty as in the pictures. Actually I'd have even settled for quarter as pretty, but no. Then that dancing fountain- now you seriously don't want to see another dancing fountain, do you?

Christmas Lights on Orchard Road
We went to see the famed Orchard Road Christmas Light-up almost as soon as we got off the flight. So big disappointment. First indoctrination into the Way of the Singapore Goverment: Hype. It wasn't all bad, though. I espied Borders and also the Apple Centre- useful for future reference. Besides, our guide on the open top 'Hippo Tour' bus was quite funny, and tried to get everyone to play 'Hippo Idol'. The winner, he announced, would get a 'limited edition' duck.

Night Safari
Most synthetic, orchestrated, fake tourist attraction you could ever hope to visit. Even in Singapore. The whole place is designed to look like an African jungle lodge. Contributing to the atmosphere were wire-gauze-and-serial-light beasts of the jungle, and attendants in lungis. Oh, also Haagen Dazs. So, here's what happens. You pays an extortionate S$ 28 for a night safari by train through (how exciting) Himalayan terrain, marshland, Malayan jungle, etc. You may or may not get to see what you've come to see: animals. Whatever animals we saw looked drugged (Now we know what S'pore does with all the narcotics it seizes). A couple of vultures looked stuffed. And the tigers there have been adopted by (you'll never guess) Tiger Balm! As a bonus, you get to see a show called 'Creatures of the night', where said Creatures of the night-Otters, *insert here creature with unpronounceable Malay name* and a python (they're nocturnal, really?).

Singapore Metal and Gems Factory
The moment you see row upon row of tourist buses, you know it's time to do an about turn and flee as quickly as possible. They sell here anything semi-precious stone. Lapis-la-zuli globes, ugly 'paitings' of birds, (some of these have lights which glow when you go near them and clap. They also make twittering noises.) chess sets, jade sculptures, jewellery etc. Our fellow Indian tourists are mightily impressed. Everyone's busy taking photographs. My mother overheard one Bengali tourist remark that buying just one item from the place would give her jeebon mukti. We manage to choose the least ugly piece available and run.

Boat Ride on the Singapore River
More like a canal really. Go, if you want a very scratchy and disembodied voice point out to you the landmarks of Singapore such as the Merlion (that ugly thing that spouts water from its mouth we've all seen in pictures- only its uglier in the flesh) and S'pore's only suspension bridge (barely 100m across). You also get to see a different view of the skyscrapers you've already seen from the road. Don't gag.

Takashimaya
You wont be able to buy anything, unless you're super-duper rich. But do go to Kinokuniya bookstore, and the food court in the basement. More on that later.

HMV Megastore
I went expecting great things- utterly, utterly disappinted. Even Landmark here would have a better movie collection. But I did find some CD box set at an unbelievable price of 5 for Rs.500. So, not entirely wasted, I suppose.

Komala Vilas
Yes, yes it's a legend and all that. But sadly, standards have fallen- the food tastes awful. It's the South Indian version of McD, and a none too clean one at that. For good South Indian food, go to Raj Cafe down the road from Mustafa. Clean, affordable and friendly service too!

Jurong Bird Park
The flamingoes were pretty, but otherwise can't think of anything nice to say about it.

Don't try the new Godiva Chocolate drink. It's a complete waste of Godiva chocolate.

Don't go at all- unless you want to shop. In the end, it's all about the shopping. Not the sightseeing.

So what to do in Singapore, apart from shopping, you ask? Next post.

Singapore

2006-01-11T08:27:00.000-05:00

Hype. Escalators. America's Sweetheart. Four Billion Dollars in Tax. No Crow Zone. Skyscrapers. Malls. Synthetic. Cleanliness. Greenery. Food. Queues for Cabs. Bookstores. Efficiency. Glazed Looks. Long Arm of The Law. Consumerist Heaven. Compulsory Military Training. Road Cross Request. Too Many Coffee Shops. Slimming Clinincs. 24-hour Surveillance. Elevators That Only Stop At Some Floors. Cold Storage-The Fresh Food People. Electrionic Road Pricing. No Political Freedom. Under-passes and Over. More Food. More Hype. Recycled Water. 80% Chinese, 10% Malay, 7% Indian, 3% Other. More Malls. Raffles Hotel. More Skyscrapers. Library With Eleven Stories. More Inter-connected Malls. Low Birth Rate. Corporate Government. Abuzz but Lifeless. Hydroponics. Sample Question Papers for First Standard. Lee Kuan Yew. Student Bonds. Fake Bungee. Boredom. Expats. SMRT. Nine Million Tourists. Zero Tolerance. Unpolluted Air. Impersonal. Big Brands. Uncomplaining, Patient Queuers. Chrome and Gleaming Glass. Black and White Houses. Electronics. Hard to Own Cars. Censored Press. Vanda Ms. Joachim Orchid. Swallow Last Bits of Words. Even More Malls. Fireworks. Merlion. Duty-free. Even More Hype. Four Official Languages. Island Sized Tourist Trap.